The Cardinal

Chapter 4

Axel

I am laying on the mattress of the bunk bed. My head feels heavy on my body yet I feel emptier. It is like my soul is swept away from my body and all I have left is a mass of muscles and heavy bones. My ribs push and pull at each other and don't provide my lungs with enough space to breathe in and out oxygen.

It has been a full day since I pulled that damn trigger. A full day since I have become a monster no different than the ones that rule the Cardinal ruthlessly. A full day, since I was rewarded with a room for murdering an innocent. After her dead body was taken out of his office, Harrington told me that I was free to move out of the sleeping quarter and into a room of three. What I fear most lying on my new bed in my new room is the brooding possibility that I am going to forget about her face gradually. I am scared of forgetting the desperation in her eyes, the look she gave me, if there were any golden sparkles in her green eyes. They have succeeded, I tell myself. They managed to crash my ideals of breaking the cycle. Now I am just another gear that turns and turns according to the movement of the one coming before him.

The worst part is not losing my humanity though. The fact that I am still pondering about how to get myself out of this situation while guilt eats me from inside is far worse than only drowning in my guilt. I need to figure a way to drive their attention away from me. Otherwise I might end up like the girl I shot. I know that my little stunt wasn't enough for them. They are going to surveil me. I have to convince them that I am suitable to become a soldier. I must prove them that I am capable of being a machine gun. Just cold and mechanic. Ready to oblige and kill. If I fail, not only my ideals are at the stake but my head as well.

God! What was I thinking when I punched that imbecile Carter? Why shouldn't I just contain my anger?

There is a sudden shingling of keys. I avert my gaze from the ceiling to see who is my new roommate. I expect it to be Carter since it would a fitting punishment coming from the Cardinal officials. A crucial but entertaining joke to them. They would have fun pushing my limits and driving me to insanity by forcing me to spend time with Carter. They would laugh at me just like how they laugh after people taking the so called "Test" with high hopes without knowing the odds that they would get admitted to the Academy are even lower than a drunk man shooting a target in the eye with an arch bow after taking fifteen shots of tequila. You can wonder how I know about their laughter but believe me when I say I had heard enough of them when I used to be a child wandering in his home unaware of the things that were being planned behind closed doors.

There are more rumbling on the other side of the door. Someone must be carrying his belongings with a trolley. But why would someone fidget with the keys first instead of carrying his belongings. Then it hits me hard. The trolley probably belongs to my second "roomie". I get up and sit straightly on my bed. I don't want to appear weak and vulnerable.

The door opens and I prepare myself to start living together with Carter for the rest of my life. However, I am greeted with a pleasant surprise: a scar on the face of my first roommate. I feel relief washing through me. However, my enthusiasm gets interrupted when I see the one following the Scarface. He is the rich boy of the Phoenixes who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He is the one with the trolley. Why would anyone bring that much belonging with him? I answer my own question: Maybe because you have much more than what you've brought.

They both enter the room. The Scarface raises his eyebrow. He must be as dumbfounded as I am at the moment. Holy shit! The Sergeant is really playing a trick on me. He didn't make Scarface my roomie out of the goodness of his heart. He is testing me. Well, two can play a game.

As we continue exchanging glances, Daniel, the Richie Rich looks at us carefully, trying to figure out what is going on. Then his face lights up -trust me, I didn't use figurative language-. His pupils get bigger and the light blue of his eyes get smaller, he raises both his eyebrows and his mouth opens and a "Woah!"

"You are the two who queered Carter's and his bitches' pitches and set the thames on fire: Axel and Brandon. Oh men! We are going to be LEGENDARY!"

Daniel lets out a screech and Brandon whispers under his breath:

"I am not sure whether we would make it till the end of the semester, let alone being legendary."

Daniel offers brightly: "Why don't you lift your asses up and we go out tonight?" I want to turn him down. I really do but honestly I don't have the energy in me. Moreover, why would I miss an opportunity to drown my sorrows?