SHADOWS IN DARKNESS

09

I couldn't contemplate what to say neither how to even start. When I thought I wouldn't need to remember anything from the past, everything always ends up the opposite. Truth always needs to be revealed.

"Bae, you don't need to say anything if you're not ready." Mom caressed my hands on my lap that I didn't even know I was trembling.

I looked at her while I was trying to push the tears in not letting it fall. I was strong enough to come, I was strong enough to wake up, I was strong enough to face another morning. Now, I should be strong enough to face the truth for everyone.

Flashback-----

Picking myself up from the mud forcing to get up for one solely reason, my younger brother who's hungrily waiting at home. My younger brother who loved me, who cried for me, who warms my heart, the only one who's giving me strength. I couldn't barely remember when it started, all the abuse, and the pain.

Picking up a bun and a milk in a paper bag, I made my way back home wimpily in the crowded streets of Bangkok completely ignoring what other people thinks. I was only 8,but my own parents sold me to pay off their debts. One in the bar and one from the motel. Right, I was used. In everyway possible, I was used then got thrown in a mud. I was 8 years old but nobody cared.

When I got to the place people call home I only found a 2 year old boy crying on the bed and a wasted drunkard asshole beside him. Washing my hands clean I made a cup of warm milk for him and slowly spooned it in his mouth to feed. After awhile he stopped crying then started smiling and laughing. The small sounds he creates made me smile. I put a pillow beside him to stop him from falling off the bed before I hit the bathroom. Slowly cleaning the body that's been trashed. Washing off their dirt, and the dried blood mixed with the mud. Till bruises, scars, and cigarette scars are already visible.

"So the pay slut is here." Dad forced himself inside the bathroom. "How was your night bitch?" He pushed me by my shoulder. I grunted in lain as tears streamed down my face as I looked at him, his voice sending shivers down my spine, fear in my head. "Good that you're here. Because of you I didn't get to enjoy my evening!" He slapped me hard on the face.

"Please dad stop!" I begged  but then he slapped me again and again. "NO! I'm sorry please! " I crawled on fours kowtowing begging for him to but he kicked me that made me sprawled on the floor crying in pain. He pulled my hair up making me look at him.

"Let me see what you got Slut!" He turned me around and pushed me to the floor and before I could think he started doing it.

"Dad stop! PLEASE STOP!" I screamed begging but all he did was stuff his brief on my mouth the made all the pleas only a muffled sound. He did it again and again and again till I felt suffocated. Till I could no longer breath.

When I opened my eyes feeling the coldness I was no longer in the bathroom neither inside the house. I crawled to the door forcing it open only to find my godforsaken parents comfortably sleeping like nothing happened at all. I forced myself up covering my naked body with blanket. Biting my lips stopping myself from making sounds as my tears streamed down my face. My body hurts.

Everything went on and on. Day after day. Being beaten up, wounded up. Am I worth this much? Am I this forsaken?  I was so tired, I was in so much pain till I just felt it became so hard for me to breather. It became too hard for me to even fight. Everytime I woke up I would be outside the house visible to people yet nobody lent a hand. I have died a thousand times, I live too. Holding on to one reason, my younger brother.

I woke up again, this time was different. I got sold out again and thrown out again but I have never seen a smile as warmth as the person in front of me. He handed me a piece of candy, something I have never tried. It's a circle looking one with a stick. Strange, what is it called? I accepted it with a smile. Food..... it is food.