Tainted

Chapter Thirty-Seven - Rogue

Rogue makes his way toward Tanymede's tent. He flexes his hands, nervous. This isn't like the other times when he's gone away. This is different. This time he might not come back.

Tanymede is sparring with Mira. They've been doing so every day for a week and a half now. Rogue watches as Mira spins and parries, her arm muscles tensing at the movement. She's getting stronger. She looks healthier than she did when Rogue first saw her. Her skin's turned tan from the sun, and the dark purple blotches beneath her eyes have almost disappeared.

And sometimes she smiles. And when she smiles, Rogue feels like he doesn't need to worry about anything. Like in that smile is the answer to every question he's ever asked.

Tanymede's pole smacks against Mira's wooden knife and Mira laughs with delight. According to Tanymede, Mira will one day out-duel her, and then Tanymede says she'll retire, and spend her days making ceramic mugs and bowls.

Rogue doubts that very much. It's the same thing she said when she started training Esmeralda, and yet Tanymede's still coaching.

Rogue's chest tightens at the thought of Esmeralda. He takes a deep breath and bucks up the courage to interrupt the sparring.

"Tanymede," Rogue says. "Thief." He bows to each one in turn.

Out of the corner of his eye, he watches Mira drop her hand, slipping the wooden knife into the belt around her waist. She brushes the hair out of her face and twists it around her finger before tucking it behind her ear. He's never seen anyone twist their hair before tucking it behind their ear.

"I need to speak with you," Rogue says.

Tanymede leans against her pole. "Is this about how you want me to watch over Haven while you all run away on your little adventure to save the souls of the Ill-Fated?" she asks.

Rogue grits his teeth. "Yes," he answers. He's never been able to find out who exactly fills Tanymede in on every detail of his comings and goings. At first he thought it might be Sailor, but Sailor's too loyal to him. It could be that everyone comes to fill Tanymede in on the gossip once in a while. Rogue knows Posy and Ceryl certainly do.

"I can do that," Tanymede says. She sobers up, her expression hardening. "But I want you to leave Sani out of it."

Rogue can feel Mira watching him. He aches to take a step closer to her, to feel her skin on his. But he stays put. He can't bear losing someone again. He's not strong enough.

"I can't promise you that," he says. "Sani will want to come. She'll want to fight. And she should be able to."

"She'll want to die," Tanymede says. "She'll hack her way through the king's men until they take her, again and again until there's nothing left. I can't lose her, Rogue. Surely you understand that."

Anger flares up in Rogue's chest. "Don't you dare use my sister against me."

"I'm not using her against you, we all loved Esmeralda. I'm just asking you not to risk everyone else while you go in for your revenge plot."

"This isn't—"

Tanymede holds up a hand. "Call it what you want. Call it a noble effort. Call it a kata you to the people who killed your sister, just don't make Sani be a part of it."

Rogue stares at Tanymede, his hands clenched into fists. This isn't a revenge plot. Is he furious about Esmeralda? Yes. But he's not going to risk everyone's life just to avenge her death. This is about building a better future for the Ill-Fated. This is about living up to her memory.

"I can't promise you that," Rogue says.

Tanymede picks up the pole and chucks it like a javelin. It sails through a wall in her tent, the sound of rending canvas cutting through the air.

She bends forward, her hands on her knees, her chest heaving.

"Sani will go," Tanymede says to the ground. She takes a moment to collect her resolve before straightening her spine and adjusting her turban.

"I'll just have to say goodbye before she does," Tanymede says. She takes a few deep breaths.

"Yes," she says. "I will watch over Haven while you're gone. But only until you come back." Tanymede meets his gaze.

She's asking him for promises he can't make.

Rogue clears his throat to avoid answering. "We're celebrating Moon Day early," he says. "We're going to have the festivities this evening."

"Just in case people don't come back from your next mission?" Tanymede asks.

Rogue doesn't answer.

She sighs. "I'll come help with the food preparations," she says. She turns to Mira. "Come now, let's find you a dress. It's your first Moon Day at Haven. It should be special." Tanymede wraps an arm around Mira's shoulders as she ushers her toward the clothing rack.

Mira turns her head over Tanymede's arm and pins Rogue to the spot with her clear, blue eyes.

This time, he doesn't drop his gaze.