If Hate Leads to Suffering... | Obi Wan Kenobi

Act I. ii

Xaela enjoyed the library. She loved learning of the galaxy, and Jedi history, and most of all, she loved the proud look her Master gave her when she knew the answer to questions he asked.

Anakin had the highest midichlorian count ever documented, he was rumoured to be the chosen one. But when Master Kenobi gave them history lessons, Anakin's spotlight was outshined by Xaela and her continuous fact-spitting. So if she wasn't in the dormitories, she was usually in the library.

She always thought of Master Tahl as she wandered through the information. She admired her: devoted to the pursuit of knowledge, would not be held back when blindness took over. Most importantly, she remembered her dedication to the Jedi Order even while she was in love with Qui-Gon Jinn.

Xaela strolled aimlessly through the rows and rows of shelves, skimming across but not in the mood to spend her full energy on one thing.

She really just wanted to think, so she grabbed a random thing from the shelf and walked to a secluded table to sit.

As Xaela grew up she thought that her crush on Obi-Wan would fade. She hoped that she would come to see him as a mentor, and she could confidently focus on becoming a Jedi Knight. Due to her unorthodox training situation, she was at the age most take the trials, and her Master had confidence in her,  but Xaela's feelings conflicted her. No matter what, her initial impression all those years ago never faded. She still felt that innocent draw towards him like when she was a child.

If Xaela could will her feelings away she would. Even if she had the courage to admit it, and face the backlash of the council, Obi-Wan lived and breathed the Jedi Code.

No attachments.

She could never have him.

At first, when she had been reassigned to him, Xaela thought no harm in daydreaming about him; after all, suppressing feelings was a sure fire way to an explosion. But they didn't stop like she had hoped they would. She didn't tire of him like she thought.

Indulging in her mind and then spending every day with him only solidified her feelings for him.

The only consolation was Anakin, who was hopelessly obsessed with Senator Amidala. His boyish crush on her since he was nine paralleled hers, and she could find comfort in the thought that not every Jedi was harsh no attachments. She wasn't alone.

In Anakin's case anyway, he never seemed to hide it. It was as if he was trying to manifest her by the sheer amount of times she crossed his mind. And Xaela, a few years ago, was curious as to what the Senator looked like, so she went to the records and pulled up her file. At least Anakin had good taste, she was definitely beautiful. However, Xaela was more impressed by the Senator's dedication to the good of the Republic. Elected Queen at 14, her people must have had enormous faith in her, and rightfully so considering what she accomplished.

Xaela was so caught up in her thoughts she didn't realize everyone had left the library for the night. The lights had dimmed and she was at the only table with a lamp still lit.

"It helps if you open it." A voice cut her out of her mind and she looked up to see her Master standing on the other side of the table.

"Hello, Master." She said and looked down at what she had taken from the shelf.

It was still closed and she noticed that she hadn't moved since sitting down. No one else was in the library and she probably looked odd. Obi-Wan rounded the table and pulled up a chair to sit beside Xaela. He rested an arm on the table.

"Why aren't you asleep?"

"I didn't realize what time it was." Xaela shrugged and flicked at something that was on the table. "What brings you here?"

"Anakin was wondering where you were, frankly so was I." Her Master scratched his beard. "A few hours without your blabbing and we thought something might have happened to you."

Xaela shook her head with a smile on her face. She admired how his long hair framed his beard, and how well it complimented his features. Then she looked away.

"Well I'm here." She said.

"I can see that." Obi-Wan moved his finger to what Xaela was presumably reading and raised an eyebrow. "Endangered Flora and Fauna of Mimban. Are you planning a trip?"

Xaela giggled slightly and took the material away from her Master, standing up.

"I needed something to stare at while thinking." She walked back towards the shelf she got it from and he followed.

"And what would that be?" He asked and Xaela stopped to find the right place on the shelf.

"What would what be?" She asked and her Master leaned his shoulder on the shelf, eyeing the numbering system.

"What would be so important to think about that it made you lose track of time?" He questioned and grabbed the book from his Padawan to place in its proper spot.

He sent a smile towards Xaela and her chest tightened involuntarily.

"Tahl was in love with Qui-Gon." She blurted out.

Her Master raised an eyebrow at her.

"Wherever did you hear that nonsense?" Her Master questioned and Xaela shook her head.

"Jedi fall in love all the time." She paused and looked away from the piercing stare of Obi-Wan, remembering to block her thoughts. "Why is it forbidden?"

"Attachment creates fear of loss." He answered like he was trying to drill it into her mind.

"I think the Jedi would be a lot stronger with love." Xaela spoke without thought and the look in her Master's face held a confused and slightly scared expression.

"Xaela, be mindful of your commitment to the Order." His voice picked up a sense of urgency. "If you and Anakin are hiding anything I will have no choice but to-"

"Anakin?" Xaela interrupted him, and couldn't help the grin that overtook her face or the laugh that bubbled out of her. "That brat?"

Obi-Wan now maintained his confusion.

"Master, I definitely do not have feelings towards Ani." She laughed and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"This is was happens when you think." He mumbled and Xaela's laugh grew.

The two started walking out of the library and towards the dormitories. The Padawan had calmed down and they walked in a comfortable silence until she broke it like always.

"Do you think when you meditate, Master?" She looked up at the man beside her, but he kept his eyes forward.

"I don't know." He answered and waited a few seconds. "I think forcing something through your mind defeats the purpose of meditating. Letting things come up organically gives you the clearest perspective."

Xaela nodded her head as they came upon her and Anakin's room. Master Kenobi turned to face his apprentice.

"Now, go to bed, and no more thinking." He pointed at her and they both smiled.

"Goodnight, Master." Xaela opened the door.

"Goodnight."