If Hate Leads to Suffering... | Obi Wan Kenobi

Act II. ii

Xaela waited outside the doors as the Council spoke with Obi-Wan. She had gone in before him, and they were not happy. Threatening to kick her out of the Jedi Order, Xaela had to ask them why they trusted the word of a gossip driven, bitter Padawan. They were on a mission, undercover, besides, it was a kiss on the hand - the same as a greeting given to royalty - it was nothing. And they got the information they intended, it was an all around success. Still, they had to punish her, emotions were dangerous and something like that was not taken lightly by the Order. Xaela was so close to being demoted, but instead got a ban on missions with Obi-Wan, and she was on a probationary period of three months - no assignments whatsoever, and no leaving Coruscant.

It was harsh in the wake of the war, but they said they had to do what needed to be done. And Xaela knew that was bullshit.

With years of hiding her emotions and thoughts, Xaela concealed her building indifference to the Council and was confident that they had no clue to her feelings as they berated her. If she were younger and a bit more immature she would be mad at their unfairness, knowing that even though Hamarshka was tried years ago, and Obi-Wan's training far surpassed his in both time and value, they still didn't trust her. But she wasn't mad at them, she was just tired of them. Tired of the stupid rules they had, tired of the power they had to keep their positions, and tired of their stupid worries.

Xaela wasn't dense, what use did a Padawan have to leave the Temple and coincidentally show up at the same cigar lounge that the three of them were at without a Master. The Sentinel had half a mind to believe Nevo was sent to spy on Obi-Wan and herself, she wouldn't be surprised if that was true. No wonder the Council took Nevo's word without a doubt.

What was the Order coming to? Spying on it's own Jedi.

As the door slid open and Obi-Wan walked out, Xaela stayed seated and just looked at him. She waited for the door to close before she joined him and they walked to the elevator in silence. They pressed the button in silence, waited in silence, and boarded in silence. But when the doors shut, all hell broke loose.

"I don't get it." Xaela crossed her arms.

"You never did." Obi-Wan sighed and Xaela looked up at him with her eyes narrowed a bit.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He looked at her and shook his head. He didn't mean it as an insult.

"It means you were always curious and more defiant than I was. You're in a lot more trouble than I am." He cleared and the elevator came to a stop at the floor of the dormitories.

"Did you lose your spot on the Council?" She asked as they walked the empty corridors.

They came to Obi-Wans room and slowed down a bit. He was supposed to leave, go into his room and keep his distance from Xaela. But he didn't want to, and he could tell that Xaela didn't want him to either. So instead he kept walking right passed it, and he and Xaela made laps as they spoke.

"I didn't, thankfully. But that girl did put us and the mission at risk." He sighed.

"What I wouldn't give to knock some sense into all of them right now," Xaela muttered.

"Watch yourself, Xaela. Anger leads to hate-"

"Hate leads to suffering, I know." She looked at him with an indifferent and half-hearted smile. "The last thing I want is for you to fear me like the Council."

"I'm just looking out for you."

They ended up outside Xaela's room this time. And with hers being at the back of the dormitories, no one was around. No cameras either, and no Nevos scurrying around.

Xaela nodded her head as an invitation to Obi-Wan and he just opened the door to let her in. Xaela walked in first, tossing her robe onto the floor and slumping down on her bed. Obi-Wan followed her, sitting down next to her and falling on his back.

"If hate leads to suffering, what does love lead to?" Xaela fell onto her back as well and the two of the stared at the ceiling.

All their Jedi training could not help them with this question. All the hours Xaela spent roaming the archives could not give her the answer. It was ingrained in their minds: Attachment leads to fear, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. How could they run around in this vicious circle? How could a byproduct of love indirectly create hate? The very opposite of what it is?

"I'm honestly not sure." Obi-Wan finally answered.

It was a pathetic attempt, but Xaela didn't have anything better.

"I don't even know what's going on anymore." She admitted. "What happened?"

"I don't know." Obi-Wan said.

Xaela turned to the man beside her, he was confused like her; conflicted like her. It had been a long time since he was her Master; a long time since she looked up to him with the assumption that he knew everything. But deep down, she still hoped he had the answer to something, she needed to know at least one absolute confirmation, if only to keep herself grounded.

"Is there anything you do know?" She asked.

Obi-Wan turned on his side to look at her. His eyes traced over her ethereal features, her expression tired like one that knew no good could come of anything anymore. He wanted to see her beautiful smile again, so he reached out and tucked a piece of unruly hair - that escaped the braid Xaela always did in an attempt to tame it - behind her ear.

"I know that what we have goes against everything we swore our lives to." He propped his elbow up and rested his head on his hand. "And I know that you're worth the risk."