If Hate Leads to Suffering... | Obi Wan Kenobi

Act II. iii

Xaela was deathly tired and all she wanted to do was sleep. But as she walked through the dormitories she passed her old room - Anakin's room now - and was slammed back by the wave of pain she felt. He was scared and lonely and Xaela had to see him then.

She marched straight to the door and knocked. Anakin, who Xaela assumed was expecting Obi-Wan, opened the door looking over her head, then cast his gaze down at her. She let herself in.

Of course her bed had been removed when she moved out, and Anakin had pushed the desk up against that wall. So she took a seat on his bed, moving over some loose gears and stuff.

"What are you doing here?" He asked and Xaela pat the spot next to her for him to sit.

"Anakin, I've never felt you this tense before." She immediately felt his forehead as he sat down beside her.

He shook his head out of her touch.

"I'm fine." He muttered.

"No, you're not." She insisted, then lowered her voice. "You never were."

"Excuse me?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Don't act dumb." Xaela warned, then began explaining herself. "The night my feelings for Obi-Wan were revealed he told me 'you forget that you're human.'"

"So?" Anakin ran a hand through his long hair.

"So," she emphasized, "he was wrong."

"I don't understand."

"Anakin." She explained, tucking her legs underneath her. "All Jedi Initiates are brought to the temple when they're young - so young that they cannot be influenced by the cruelty of the galaxy. I was, Obi-Wan was, but you weren't."

Anakin either didn't understand or didn't care.

"They took us before we could feel." She stated. "You, you got the chance to be human. You got to feel. I only became human when I fell in love, but you have always been human. That's why you've never been okay."

"I don't understand why you're saying this." Anakin admitted and started picking at a loose thread on his sheets.

"Because you need to be able to talk about your feelings, you can't keep them in." She put a hand on his shoulder so he would look at her. "Anakin, you're my best friend, my little brother, tell me your fears so we can work it out."

Anakin brushed off her hand and stood up, a slight scowl on his face.

"I don't need your help." He said.

"Yes, you do." Xaela protested. "And I'm not leaving until you tell me something."

"Then I guess you're staying here." He pretended to be distracted by cleaning up the pieces on his bed.

"You know you turned everyone human, right?" She asked and he didn't look at her. "Obi-Wan loves you, I love you. The Council won't admit it, but they do fear for you-"

"All the Council does is lie."

Xaela knew Anakin's feelings towards the Council. Admittedly, she had the same feelings.

"Maybe." Xaela agreed. "Maybe the Order is crumbling."

Anakin turned to her from his desk and leaned against it.

"What do you mean?" He asked, and he wondered if she knew what he knew.

"You can't expect this ancient system to continue to work," she shook her head, "not even Master Yoda thinks that."

"Then what do you expect to happen?" Anakin crossed his arms and nodded at her.

"I've been thinking-"

"You always do."

She smiled at Anakin.

"I've been thinking that there is hardly ever a good reason for extremes." She began. "Light, dark. Good, evil. Jedi, Sith."

Anakin became intrigued.

"You can go round and round in a loop if you're open minded enough to hear both sides of the story. But why does it need to be just those two? Force is Force, there is no good or bad, it's not the solution to everything."

Anakin stopped her.

"Is this your old training speaking?" He confessed and Xaela stood up, ignoring the accusation.

"After the War, Obi-Wan and I are leaving the Order."

Anakin furrowed his eyebrows.

"Why?"

"The Code is outdated, and the Order will fall regardless." She said. "Darth Sidious cannot defeat the Republic by himself, and soon there will be no good or bad."

Xaela took a deep breath and looked Anakin square in the eyes.

"I want you and Padme to come with us."

"Come with you where?"

"It doesn't matter, but you can live happily outside of the Order."

Anakin shook his head and Xaela was confused.

"I must become more powerful." He said.

"Why?" She asked.

"I see..." he choked a bit. "I see her dying in childbirth. I must protect her."

Xaela was stunned for a second. If Anakin saw it, then that was the course they were set on at the moment, but it wasn't the only course.

"Is it like when you had nightmares of your mother?" Xaela was cautious when asking this, and she saw his jaw clench, but he nodded. "Then you just need to be there with her."

He looked at her, hard.

"What?"

"If you were too late for your mother, you just need to be on time for your wife." She said. "What will kill her is if you're not there with her."

"What do you suggest?" He asked.

"When she goes into labour, you stay by her side. If she starts failing, then use the Force to heal her. You're the most powerful Jedi, Anakin, there's no doubt you can save her." She ended up standing in front of him.

"Force healing is a dark side move." He said.

Xaela shook her head.

"Force is Force." She repeated. "Yes, this may be knowledge I remember from Hamarshka, but the Jedi practise something similar in the medic ward. No one bats an eye at that, why should this be any different?"

Anakin stared at her, not saying anything. As she watched him back, she saw his eyes well up with tears and she grew concerned. She put her arms around him for a hug and he clutched onto her, burying his head in her shoulder and cried.

She stroked his hair.

"It's okay Anakin, I'm here for you." She whispered but he was crying about something else, something she didn't know.

She stayed to comfort him as long as he needed, and when he stopped, she still offered to stay with him but he refused. He insisted she should get a good night sleep.

"Is there anything else you want to tell me?" She asked as she stood in front of his door.

He shook his head with a smile.

"If there is, I'll come find you." He assured her and she grinned.

Xaela stood on her toes and ruffled his hair.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She promised and left.

Anakin stayed up all night thinking of what she said.