Secrets

Ch. 13 - Diapers and Tantrums

A/N: I am so sorry for the delay, I just haven't had much motivation and have been busy. I hope you enjoy.

Eliza POV

Ever since Ellie was attacked, she started having problems controlling her bladder. One of her limits was no diapers, but it was becoming an every night issue and sometimes multiple times at night. I had convinced her to use pull-ups, but she kept leaking through those, so we had to start using diapers.

Flashback

"Momma!" Ellie cries into my shoulder after waking up from her nap. I pick her up and ask her what's wrong, but feeling her wet bottom, I know exactly what's wrong.

"Baby, did you have an accident?" She was still crying, but nodded her head that she had shoved into my chest.

"It's okay little one, accidents happen. I'm not mad. We will get you changed and then have a little talk." Her sobs slowed down as I carried her into the bathroom and started the water.

"'M sowry momma," Ellie said to me as I was getting her undressed. I gave her a kiss on her forehead as I lifted her into the tub and told her it was okay.

I wash her small body and wipe her tear stained face. We can wash her hair later. She seems to be feeling better just by sitting in the water, such a water baby.

"Alright, come on little one. Let's go get you dressed." I tell her as I lift her out of the tub and into my arms.

After getting her dressed, I carry her into our room and sit her on the bed. "Baby, are you little or big right now? Or in the middle?"

She thought about it a minute, "in da middle momma." I nodded my head, she should be big enough for this conversation.

"I think we need to start putting you in pull-ups, at least at bedtime. You seem to have decent control of your bladder during the day, so it's not needed."

She started to get worked up a little bit, "but mommy, I - dats one of my limits."

I sighed, "I know baby, but mommy wouldn't ask if we could do this if she didn't think it was necessary."

She crawled up into my lap, "only at sleep times?" Nodding, I tell her "yes baby, only bed and nap times okay?"

She leaned her head on my chest, "okay mommy." I leaned away from her and told her we may have to revisit this if she leaks her pull-ups and we need diapers.

Flashback Over

We unfortunately had to revisit the issue and started using diapers. She wasn't happy about it, but understood that I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt her.

It's been a couple of weeks since then and we haven't had any problems since. Until today... She started throwing a tantrum about how she didn't want to wear a diaper anymore, that it was one of her limits in the first place.

She was in the corner crying with some occasional screaming so I swiftly picked her up and carried her to the couch.

"Alright, I've had just enough of that missy. No more tears, no more tantrums. I need you to be big because obviously we need to have a big girl talk."

She was still sniffling when she laid her head on my chest. We sat there for about 5 minutes with her in my lap and copying my breathing.

"Okay, I'm big," is all she said. She didn't even look at me. "Eleanor honey, what's wrong? I know it was one of your limits, but I thought we talked about this and everything was okay?"

"I'm so so sorry Eliza. I don't know why I have been treating you so poorly. You do so much for me. I hope I didn't ruin this."

Shocked at her last statement, "What? Eleanor, honey you haven't ruined anything. I wish you would have talked to me sooner, but that's what we are doing right now. Can you please tell me what is going on because I'm honestly so lost and I don't know what I can do to help you."

She held onto my shirt a little tighter and told me she started having nightmares about Tyler again. She shrugged when I asked her why she didn't come to me, so I hugged her a little tighter and let her continue.

"I was okay with being diapered at night. Truly. But with those nightmares coming back, I just felt like I was never in control. Instead of telling you about it, I just took it out on you and blamed the diapers since it was one of my limits."

She continued, "With my parents and Tyler, they were always in control. I had no say. I must've thought it was the same with you which has caused my outbursts."

I've caused this, I am such a bad mommy and girlfriend. I pushed so hard for her to wear diapers only because I thought she would be happier when she woke up and didn't wet herself and her bed.

"Eliza," Ellie called out to me. "I know what you are thinking, this is not your fault. This is little me freaking out about losing control. It's different with you."

I go to argue with her but she stops me. "It's different with you because you keep me safe, something no one else has done or even wanted to do in the past. You don't control me, you let me have a say in everything. I was thinking irrationally and I needed to be big to realize it. I'm completely fine with wearing the diapers. I trust you. I love you."

A relief filled smile appears on my lips as I hugged her tighter and gave her a kiss on her forehead. "I love you so much Eleanor, I don't know what I would do without you."

She giggled before leaning more into my embrace. "I think, for awhile that it would be good if I wasn't little as much." She had been little probably 80% of the time, which I of course didn't mind. I loved taking care of big her and little her.

"Babe, you don't have to do that. You know I love big and little you." She nods a bit, "I know you do, it's one of the many things I love about you. I just think that little me is freaking out about losing control, and if I'm big, I can hopefully continue to build my relationship with you as girlfriends. Trust me, I will still be little, it'll just be 50/50. Is that okay?"

I smiled to her, "of course baby, I support you always." She turned to straddle me, "how did I end up with the most amazing woman in the world?"

I laughed way too much, "honey, it should be me asking that, not you." She just shook her head before kissing me on the lips. It heated up rather quickly so I carried her into the bedroom and made love for the rest of the evening. No kinky stuff, no power exchange, just sweet love.

I had someone mention that I never really discussed the diaper issue previously, so I thought I would clear up any confusion that might have caused. Thank you!