Just last a year {ziam}

::23::

twenty-three::

"Y-you made me w-wonder wh-why I ever wished t-to die." Liam whispers.

"What?" Zayn asks him.

"When w-we first m-met." he begins, "Y-you showed me A-Angel. And th-that was one o-of the l-lines. What we-were you talking a-about?"

Liam had been wondering this ever since Zayn had first said the line, he never had the courage to ask him about it. The only reason he had courage to ask now was because Zayn was half asleep on his chest, which meant his senses weren't on high alert.

"Li, a-are you sure?" for once, Zayn sounds... scared? "You sure you want to know?"

He's almost begging Liam to say 'no' but of course, "Y-yes. Please. I-I want to kn-know about y-you."

"Okay," Zayn breathes, running his fingers up and down Liam's bare chest, thinking about where to start, "well I mean, the thing with my dad. Him leaving and all, it kind of took a toll on all of us. I'm not sure how hard it hit the others, but I'm sure it wasn't as hard as it hit me. I felt... I felt empty, I guess you could say. I didn't know what to do. He was gone, Liam. I hadn't seen him at all. It was like he was ripped from my life all of a sudden, I mean he was, but still. I-I," that's when Zayn's voice cracked, and he decided that he wasn't afraid to cry infront of Liam anymore, "I only did it once, I swear."

"Z-Zayn," Liam says quietly once he sees the tears rolling down his boyfriend's face.

"No, I can't lie. It wasn't just once. It was more than once, Liam I'm so sorry, I haven't done it in years, but they won't go away. They're stupid and pink and still there."

"Zayn," he's trying not to cry, himself. "you c-can stop. Shh."

But Zayn just shakes his head and calms down a bit, "When I stopped. I just painted," he sniffs, "it was a better, safer way of letting my emotions out. I had felt so lost and alone for the longest time. And call me cliche, call me crazy, call me whatever, but it's true, it's true that when I first saw you... when you first smiled at me... it was like a light, a light shining in a dark cave, maybe. I dunno, but I know that you mean so much. So much more than you'll ever know, to me."

They sit in silence for a while, and right when Zayn believes Liam thinks he's crazy, Liam speaks.

"L-let me s-see."

And Zayn knows exactly what he means.

So slowly, very slowly, he rolls up the bottom of his boxers he was wearing and Liam gasps at the number of white and pink lines on his thigh.

"They're ugly. I wish I hadn't done it." Zayn frowns.

Liam just bites his lip in comtemplation before leaning down and he starts to kiss Zayn's thigh.

Zayn watches as Liam's lips press in random spots on top of the marks, not being able to count each one, since there are so many.

"I w-wish I could've b-been there for y-you." Liam speaks once he's done. Zayn settles back onto his chest.

"W-wouldv'e made s-sure you had s-someone."

Zayn cuddles closer to Liam and presses a kiss to his chest.

"I-I'm going t-to make sure y-you're n-never h-hurt again. L-let me be wh-what you n-need."

Zayn nods, "Okay."

That's when Zayn decides.

It's Liam.

::
happy thanksgiving! (if you celebrate) if you dont then happy thursday!

its short im sorry, but i really like this chapter omg.

thanks for 2k by the way, yall are swaggy

but like... send feedback and stuff bye <3