Colors Behind the Glass ✓

the sunset pt. 8

I suppose it's been long enough that the cracks should have been fixed.

    But time was not what would heal this injury, only my own.

    The day after, we saw each other. It had been like any other day, but it was not. I stood across from you, and you never acknowledged my existence. Then again, this did not surprise me, for you never knew I existed in the first place. Once you discovered I did, you immediately ran, leaving what was always true, what you never anticipated. I'm aware this is not the type of thing to anticipate, but it is also not a thing you can escape.

    Even now, months later, it is something neither of us can escape, least of all each other. Fate has it out for us that way, the way you had it out for me and vice versa.

    Suppose we look at planetary movements. Earth revolves around the Sun, as all the planets do. They rely on the Sun, drawn to its gravitational force. In a way, you were my Sun. I rooted myself to your existence for such a long time, I began to forget what life was like without your opinion. Without your impact. Once it was gone, I was left stranded for a time, unsure of where to go and who to revolve around.

    My life was dictated, my opinion was manipulated.

    While you controlled my movements, your media changed my views. I relied solely on your interpretation, on the way you made me feel and the ways in which I could appease. The ways I could be better for you.

    It was like drowning in an empty pool. No way out, choking on my own words. In this sense, I was the cause of my own doom instead of you, because I let myself run in circles to be the perfect image of what you wanted. I was that image for several years, the one that you loved, thought of, enticed.

    GRAVITY: noun, the force that attracts a body toward the center of the Earth, or toward any other physical body having mass

    While I spun and bent over backward for your permission, I neglected the one importance of this task.

    I had forgotten to ground myself.

    Therefore, when you ran and took your existence with you, I was left with nothing. My mind was alone, my experience isolated.

    "Lonnie, it's been a long time, move on."

    There's nothing to move on from, only something I can move forward to.

    In some way, I registered those words, for it had been long enough for something minor to take place. Where I was once helpless, alone, afraid, I was now none of those things. I was truer to who I am than you ever were, acknowledging and accepting.

    You were the Sun. I was the Earth. My existence relied on your force, your impact.

    I am the Sun. You are anything but.

    Now, I watch the small cracks on the walls with ease, accepting their fate. As I accepted mine. It was in no stance the way I had thought I would turn out, nor how you would appear. It was simply what came to be, what occurred despite my dramatic odds to eliminate that factor.

    If you had been the Sun, you would not have been so afraid of who I am.