Fucking fuck. I can't fucking breathe everything is running through my mind all at once..1, 2, 10, 20, 30. 30 things. 30+ fucking things. I am my own not your damnit if I wanted to gauge the holes in my skin to the size of the moon I fucking will because it's what I would want for ME. Bitch about something other than your 18 year olds' body jewelry and how un-fucking-lady like I am. Mother I am my own being. Repeat after me I Am Free. For fucks sake, I am male, mother. Male. You KNOW this. You are AWARE of this, and yet you continue to call me by my birth name and then even Emphasize on calling me your daughter. Your little girl. That i'm daddys' princess. Mother, i'm nowhere near a princess i'm a motherfucking King. God, maybe I can drown in something other than my own thoughts for once. Man, you make blades kissing my skin feel good. Vomit, them vomit again. I hope I bleed harder this time. Why do you think your kid is sneaky enough to get away with getting people in and out of my window at 3 am so swiftly? Why do you think I can get away with marijuana? Cigarettes? Alcohol? Sex? Why do you think I want all of that? I'm in so much mental pain I am passively killing myself. If you say you understand my mental illnesses, then get me into shape. Help me, please just fucking help me not yell at me to do better because I am one argument away from leaving this household. I am so fucking close to threatening my safety even more. You want to see me do bad? I'll fucking show you bad. I will listen to my music as loud as I can hoping to deafen myself from you. When I sit in the car with you I talk about things that switch to arguments because you twist my words, but when i'm the one driving down the highway at 70 miles per hour i'm trying not to twist this wheel. How can anyone be proud of me when i'm not even proud of myself. I am becoming impulsive. Take me to beaches with bonfires. Take me to clubs with acid. Take me on a rollercoaster with a loose bolt. I don't want to go back to childhood anymore. I don't want to rush into my future. I want a spontaneous present. Take me for milkshakes at 11 pm in the middle of winter. Take 294383394039 pictures with me. Mark my body with your tongue, for I no longer have regrets.
S.L.C. 2016.
YOU ARE READING
raw emotion.
PoetryA collection of poems I have written dated from high school to present. A lot of these are controversial writings, pieces that are too sensitive for today's society, for many to grasp and carry. Some of these are extremely personal and real life wri...
