raw emotion.

Hi, I Love You

I'm strange.

I have strange habits, like if I hear a wretched noise I must drag my nails along a surface to replace the vibrations in my body with stability

Or how if I breathe a certain way, walk a certain amount of steps it must equal out to the number 4

Depression isn't that hard to comprehend

But it is

You see I don't want to be here anymore but I don't even know where here is anymore I no longer attempt immediate suicide which is why I took up smoking as a hobby you don't know how often I tune you out when you're driving and I have my arm out the window with the wind caressing me at 75 mph there isn't enough storage on this cell phone to hold all these fucking pictures of this sky of mine and you

It's 2:24 am as I write this sentence as insomnia sweeps me off my feet and dances with me under a moon that I am forced to have a date with every other night I am bonded by these chains of sleeping pills and forced to sleep and think in lucidity, but do dreamers even get to dream?

Anxiety is watching the alarm set on my phone 1 minute before it goes off and fantasize your own disintegration as it goes off, it is texting someone to ask them when they are going to call because even when no one is around that ringtone of yours is the broken-record tornado siren, it is too afraid to open that bag of chips in the middle of a quiet filled room so you go hungry because self assurance is worth more than the scenario in your head of getting kicked out of your 10th grade English class because you missed breakfast and wanted a small bag of Doritos.

Hi, my name is Skylark and when I'm nervous I pick open the scabs on my body and pull on my eyelashes the kid who was once terrified of driving only finds peace with them in the driver's seat all windows down blaring music with lyrics they cannot comprehend because they are too focused avoiding deer in the road because it's 3:30 am

I went from creating small cuts to patterns to carving full sentences on my thighs because who knew poetry would look so good engraved into my skin Hi, my name is Skylark and even though I used to live with my parents 2 dogs and a cat I still thought every sound in my house after they go to bed is an intruder

Funny

How the first thing I think of in a possibly dangerous situation is You

The depression

The stressing

Turns into this o b s e s s i o n  with your

Curly hair

Soft curve-pinned lips

And chocolate eyes and I'll be damned if I ever think that this "I love you" coming from my peppermint flavored lips will ever be more than enough, because you deserve what this world doesn't have to offer in this day

The bed in my room is screaming my name pleading for me to come back but all it will ever be is a one night stand with these bed sheets of mine.

Hi, my name is Skylark and I'm afraid of ovens and vacuums I hate sauerkraut I love NASA

I realized,

That not only do I love you

But I am beginning to become in love with you and you don't even fucking know how scary that is for me

I sure as hell don't deserve you but I am most certainly grateful

Darling

Angel

Sweetheart

My Love

I can last

We can last

This pixie dust of mine used to give me the will to wake up in the morning but it's you that put them out of business

Hi, my name is Skylark and I am a mentally unstable accident prone hopeless romantic that will trip on my 2 left feet and fall to my knees and water your roots with the only cup of water I have just to see you thrive

Hi, my name is Skylark and I am just a lovesick kid

Hi, my name is Skylark and you will always be my favorite mess

Hi, my name is Skylark and the colors of your irises are the colors of my vivid dreams

Hi, I Love You.

S.L.C. 2014.