Pet Memorial

The Diary of Your Intermediary by Karrot

"When golden eyes no longer glow,and we both know it's time to go,Don't look at me with eyes so sad,but think of better times we had,When sunlight did upon us shine,and happy days were yours and mine" – Carol Walker 'Golden Eyes'

Spending time with you was my hygge. In memoriam of Kou, the black bunny. – Karrot

—

I met and saw a lot of people over the last few days, and they all looked the same. Actually, I don't remember how those people looked like. Those who stopped to stare, those who just walked away, I remember none of their faces.

But one day, you showed up.

Our eyes met and it was like I was able to read your mind, and you said:

"Let's go home."

And you brought me home. You gave me a part of your room: to run around, to sleep in and to eat in. You would turn off the air conditioner for me and used the fan. You also gave me a tacky name that I've gotten fond of. Whenever you called my name, I would jump around in excitement. And most importantly, you gave me your time.

Every day, even before the sun rises, you struggled to wake up. Got ready for school. Cleaned up my place, refilled my water and food. Patted my head and left for the day. When you got back, you would look so tired. Hunched shoulders, oily face accompanied with a heavy sigh. You would rest me on your lap and patted my head as if you were comforting yourself, saying to yourself "you've done well today", "good job today too". And I am happy to be the intermediate between that and hopefully, I delivered it well to you.

On some weekends, you would take me out so I can run around in the garden, smell out the greens and even taste it. I always notice how you worked hard to make me feel happy, comfortable, inclusive. When you don't understand that just being beside you makes me happy.

As time goes by, you became busier. You stayed in front of the table longer. Went to school even on weekends, and slept earlier and longer. Meanwhile I became weaker.

If you took me out to the garden, I would only manage a couple steps. So, after that, you would just let me loose in the room. Once, when I was resting on your bed and accidentally peed on it, you did not blame me but you kept me on the bed as you silently cleaned it. I hope that did not make you hate me.

When I was not eating the pellets well, you bought me dried foods that was easier to eat. You would wait by my side until I finished eating. Sometimes when I do not eat well, you would stay by my side with a book on your lap. I hope I was not a nuisance to you.

One night, I felt it coming. The end. It was late at night. The only light that brightened your room were the night lamp and your laptop. I can feel it getting shorter, my heartbeat, my breathing. But I cannot get your attention. You were asleep. I want to see your face for the last time.

I cannot hold on anymore. It is morning already and you are still not awake. I closed my eyes thinking this will be my last breath, when suddenly I heard you shifting around. I feel you looking at me and you called my name.

With trembling voice, you called my name again. I opened my eyes with all my might and saw your face at last. But it was not the face that I expected. Wet face, tear-filled eyes. I have never seen this expression before.

"I'm sorry..." you cried.

You reached out your hand and stroked my body.

"Thank you." as tears fell down your face, you forced a smile. And finally, I can breathe out my last.

I'm sorry that I had to leave in a hurry. I hope you will not cry too much and too long about me. Thank you for all the time you spent with me.