Help Me Understand [mileven]

Chapter 1: There's something wrong with me

Before you read, this is my first ever fan fiction. If you have any suggestions please let me know :) thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy. Not sure how many chapters there will be yet by the way.

"Goodbye Mike".

The words replayed in Mikes head, even after she returned.

Since she left he became depressed and also suffered with anxiety, he rarely left his room, only to call El on the super-com which he left in the blanket fort. When she returned he felt happy and all the negative thoughts went away for a while, but nothing ever lasts.

Mike knew how people coped with things like this, they hurt themselves, but he kept himself distracted with the hope of finding the love of his life. But now, now was different. Barely anything made him happy, he felt numb. So he began to cut. It wasn't bad at first, it was just so he could finally feel something. But now it was an addiction. Nobody knew about this, not even Nancy or El, and he wanted to keep it that way.

His constant fear of losing Eleven, or something bad happening was too much for him. His nightmares kept him up at night, so he stays awake now, too scared to fall asleep. Everyday the dark circles under his eyes get more prominent, which of course came with a series of questions from his mother. He was in a dark hole, falling down more and more everyday. However, there was one thing that kept him from going crazy.

Eleven Jane Hopper was the light of his life, she never failed to make him smile, he loved her. He hadn't told her yet because he didn't know how, he kept questioning if she even felt the same way...

15th January 1985, 4:15pm:

Mike was sat in his room with Bohemian Rhapsody blasting from his boom box. He found himself staring at the picture of him and El at the snowball on his bed side table. He has his arms wrapped around her and she smiled at the camera, the same smile that makes his stomach do flips, no matter how many times he has seen it. His mind travelled to El, her chocolate brown eyes and her curls. Her curls which he loves to run his fingers through...

He was so deep in thought, he didn't notice his door opened. Nancy stood in the doorway, glaring at her brother, who's music woke her up from a well needed nap. She stomped over to the boom box and turned it off but froze when she realised that Mike didn't even look up.

"Mike?" Nancy said

He didn't reply

"Mike are you okay?"

He slowly turned his head to face her, tears glistening over his eyes, making her heart drop. Nancy walked over to his bed and sat next to him, pulling him into a hug.

"What's wrong?" She asked quietly

"I don't know" Mike replied

"Has something happened?" Nancy began to get more concerned.

"I think there's something wrong with me" Mike mumbled into her shoulder, silent tears streaming down his pale face.

"There's nothing wrong with you Mike, you've just been through a lot. I'd be stupid to say that the rest of us aren't still messed up from everything that happened." Nancy said calmly as she brushed away Mikes tears.

"I love her Nance. I-I'm so afraid I'll lo-lose her again." Mike stuttered as he tried to calm himself down.

"Have you talked to her about this?" Nancy questioned.

"No, she knows I'm scared of losing her but I don't even know if she knows what love is". Mike stated.

"Then be the first to tell her". Nancy said gently. "If someone is going to tell her, it might aswell be the boy who is head over heels for her".

Mike smiled at that thought. He knew he had to tell her, he just didn't know how.

"How do I tell her?" He asked.

"When the moment is right, you'll know". Nancy said, smiling at her brother. She knew how he felt because she felt the same way about Jonathan. She began to make her way to the door but stopped in her tracks. "I'm glad you talked to me, I'm here for you mike".

"I know, I'm here for you too" Mike smiled through his tears.

-later that day-

"MIKE EL'S HERE" Karen called up to Mike who hadn't left his room all day, claiming he was doing homework.

He slowly made his way down the stairs, feeling weak as he hadn't eaten all day. As he reached the door El was beaming at him, which made him smile. For once his smile wasn't forced, she was the only one who could do that to him.

"Hey" Mike said

"Hey" El replied

"Wanna watch a movie in the basement?" Mike asked as he pulled her in for a hug.

"Sure, which one?" She asked as she gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"Star Wars?" He suggested.

"Did I even have to ask?" El laughed.

Mike chuckled back and he grabbed her hand and lead her into the basement. He set up the TV as she grabbed some blankets. He inserted The Empire Strikes Back and he turned around to see El snuggled up in the blankets on the couch. She was so adorable, he felt as if he might melt right there and then.

"What?" She said softly, realising that he was staring at her.

"I love you" He blurted out. Suddenly realising what he just said. "I mean I uh" he spluttered out of nervousness.

El's eyes widened and her face formed a smile. She got up and walked over to him and placed a lingering kiss to his lips, "I love you too". She grabbed his hand and guided him over to the couch.

He threw his arm round her and kissed her head, making her smile uncontrollably. They began to watch the film when El asked "are we like Han and Leia?".

"Yeah I guess we are" Mike smiled, kissing her on the cheek.

Time passes and they were watching the scene were Han gets frozen. They were both mouthing along with the dialogue and when it got to "I love you", Mike mouthed back "I know". They giggled at each other for being such nerds.

Once the film finished, El made her way into Mikes lap and rested her head on his shoulder. In this moment, Mike was happy. He always was when he was with her, but as soon as he leaves reality hits him hard. But he didn't want to think about that right now because he has her and he loves her.

He leaned in and kissed her. This wasn't a regular kiss, this was a 'I fucking love you and I'm never letting you go' kiss. His hands moved to her hair, twirling one of her curls around his finger. El smiled into the kiss as he did this, her hands around his neck and making their way into his jet black hair which started to curl.

Mike pulled away, just so he could look at her. Taking in her image. She was wearing a baggy grey jumper and blue jeans, nothing special, but to Mike she was stunning. All he could ever want was right there in front of him.

This chapter was just to set the scene for the story, chapter 2 will be a continuation of this chapter. Hope you enjoyed :)
Also, St fans how we feelin after the season 4 teaser?