Help Me Understand [mileven]

Chapter 3: Promise me

Mike walked for what seemed hours, barely noticing the rain crashing down him. His mind was fixed on El. His nightmare replaying in his mind. He began to cry, so he ran. The faster he saw El, the better.

He ran as fast as his long legs would take him and he arrived at the cabin fast than he thought. He knew he couldn't just walk in the front door, so he walked round the back to El's window. He peered in the window to see El sat up on her bed crying. Mike gently knocked on the window, trying not to scare her.

El turned to her window and her face lit up through her tears. She too woke up from a nightmare. She ran over to the window and let Mike in from the rain. His eyes were all red and puffy, his face was pale and he was soaked.

"Mike what's wrong?" El asked worriedly.

"I could ask you the same thing" Mike gave a small smile.

"You're the one who walked all the way here in the rain to see me" El said, crossing her arms.

"Just c'mere" Mike pulled her into a loving embrace then pulled back to give her a kiss, silent tears rolling down his face. He brought one hand up to touch her face which was wet with tears. He kissed them away.

"Tell me what's wrong Mike" El pressed on, determined to find out what was troubling him.

"I just had a nightmare, nothing unusual. I just had to see you." Mike mumbled into her shoulder.

"I had a nightmare too" El said, her voice quivering slightly.

"Want to talk about it?" Mike asked.

"Not really, just cuddle me" El said quietly.

"Of course". Mike took her hand and guided her onto the bed and laid next to her, pulling her close to him.

"Mike" El sat up and looked at him.

"Yeah?" Mike sat up so he could face her.

"Nancy called me" El said, looking deeply into his eyes. She saw his expression drop. "She's worried about you".

"Why? I'm fine" Mike said, avoiding eye contact with her.

"She said you're not eating or sleeping". El's voice almost breaking. She knew something was wrong, that he was hiding something from her but she didn't know what.

"The nightmares have been keeping me up, and I just haven't had an appetite recently. That's all" Mike lied. He hated lying to her but he was not ready to talk.

"Mike. Friends don't lie." El said bluntly.

"El..."

"What are you hiding from me?" She almost yelled. "Don't you trust me?". She lowered her voice after remembering Hopper was in the room next door.

"Of course I trust you El, I'm not hiding anything from you" Mike lied again. But El knew him, she saw right through him.

"Okay. Promise me". El said sternly, her eyes narrowing at him. Making him instantly nervous.

"El I can't". He mumbled.

"Why not?" El shouted. "Because you're lying to me".

"El..." Mikes eyes began to tear up.

"Get out" she whispered.

"No El please". Mikes voice began to break.

"Then tell me!" She yelled again.

"I'm not ready to talk about it. I'm sorry". He cried.

El looked at him. Pain written all over his face. His eyes glistening with tears waiting to fall, his lip was quivering and he was holding onto her arms so tight she thought she would bruise.

"Mike. You can tell me anything, you know that." El said quietly, reaching for his face.

"I know I just, I don't know how. I'm scared you'll hate me or think I'm stupid." He began to sob. Tears spilling out of his eyes at high speed.

El brought both of her hands to his face and looked him in the eye. "Nothing would ever make me think you're stupid. Nothing would ever make me hate you. I love you so much. Please tell me what's going on". El began to cry. Her love for Mike was sometimes painful, her love was so powerful it hurt. But seeing him like this was a different kind of pain, a pain she's never felt before.

Mike took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. He wasn't ready for this, but he needed help and he knew it. He knew El would do anything to help him and he would rather tell her than anyone else.

"El do you know what depression is?" Mike asked.

El shook her head.

"I'll try and explain it as easy as I can. Basically it's when you feel sad all the time, it negatively affects how you feel, how you act and how you think". Mike sighed. "Since you left I've been depressed, and then you came back and I was happy. But all the negative thoughts came back and they won't go away El, they won't go away." He began to cry again.

El held him close and kissed his cheek. Tears began to run down her face, she felt awful. How didn't she know? How didn't anyone know? Or did they?

"Depression makes you do all kinds of things El. It makes you never want to leave your bed, it feels like you're in a dark hole and you can't get out. It makes you want to hurt yourself, or worse, kill yourself. That's why I haven't been eating or why I can't sleep, yes because of the nightmares, but all of it combined is unbearable." He was sobbing into her chest.

"Mike have you..." she paused, hating the image of my hurting himself. "Have you hurt yourself?".

Mike hesitated before answering. He decided to just show her. He slowly pulled up his sleeve, displaying the lines on his arm, some new some old. He winced as she brushed her fingers over them.

"Mike i-i'm so sorry" she continued to cry. "I'm sorry I didn't know. I'm such a bad girlfriend".

"No El, not at all. There was no way you could have known."

"Mike please, please promise me you'll never do that again." She sobbed. "I'm going to help you".

"Okay. I promise El". He didn't know it was a lie at the time.

She pulled him into another hug and laid down, motioning for him to join her. She didn't care if Hopper found them in the morning. She only cared about Mike.