overdose

chapter 1/ intro

addiction
/əˈdɪkʃ(ə)n/

noun
the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance or activity.

———
chloe's pov

"chloe i know you were at a party you little slut! i bet you were all over the boys you whore!" he came towards me and slammed both his hands on the wall behind me, trapping me.

"you know what?" he started, "i never, ever, fucking loved you! you're the worst daughter i could've asked for!" he continued his rant. it felt like it lasted forever, none of the words he said to me hurt. this happened often so i learned to tune him out. but one thing he said brought me back, and startled me so much i was on the verge of tears.

"i wish, everyday, that your suicide attempt really did kill you. now fuck off and pack your shit up! i don't care where you go just go!"

and that's what i did.

———
"chloe, i'm leaving! i'm getting coffee but i'm probably gonna stay at the cafe and study so i'll see you in an hour or two, don't die!" xia cheerfully said as she left.

'don't die.'
that's something i've heard a few too many times, either in a playful way or seriously.

you may be wondering why i've been told that phrase often and my simple answer is, i've tried to kill my self eight times, once every year - for the past eight years.

my long and more detailed answer is at the age of ten i became addicted to painkillers, a young age i know, but i'd experienced extreme trauma then. my father started turning into an alcoholic and began abusing me that year, and my mother left as she was scared of being attacked by my father, yet she had no intentions of helping me.

so every year there would just be one really bad month where my father would abuse me the most, for no good reason, purely just because he was an angry drunk and hated me.
at the end of that month - that changed every year - i tried to kill myself. it was the same way every year, overdose.
yet it never worked. i got really close to dying one year, when i was 14. i was rushed into the er and stayed there for two weeks, i had one visit from my father and that was because he had to sign some legal forms, that was it.

so the phrase 'don't die' has been said in various ways. i remember one of my friends, valentina, at my house after rushing over because she suspected i was going to attempt again, she was right.
we were and still are extremely close and i just remember her crying and saying 'please don't die'.

so theres my long answer. i'm addicted to painkillers and i'm very surprised i'm not dead yet. i'm trying to battle my addiction but recently i've found no good reason to live.

after my father kicked my out i've been staying at my friend xia's house. she's a sweetheart and is the most caring person i know. lately though, she became worried i was slipping into another depressive episode so she signed me up for group therapy. yay.

i really do love xia and i know she's doing her best to help me but, group therapy? really?

my first session is next week so i have time to think about the types of things i want to keep personal and things i do wanna tell the group.
i know that i'm supposed to tell them everything but i'm not one to share, that never goes right for me. i could slip up and say one thing too much and everyone will look at me weirdly or just not believe me.

so it's best not to say much.

a/n
hiyaaa

sorry for the short chapter it's just the intro tbh
so a few things,
yes i unpublished chaos, i might re upload it after i change like the whole thing but who knows. i just really didn't like the story but i'm already sure i like this one more lol

also i first wrote this as a harry styles fan fiction but my friend forced me to change it bc it was her story idea and she hates harry 😭 fuck you lia on god

and last thing, either i post once every two weeks or i post like 5 in one week every couple weeks.

u pick lol

ok bye luv u all, wash ur hands, stay safe and drink water

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE ALBUM OH MY GOD 🥺💞

-k 🤡