overdose

chapter 5

chloe's pov / tw ⚠️ mentions of abuse

when i woke up it was around 2pm, i usually wake up at 9am or earlier but my phone was dead as i forgot to charge it last night.

on my way to the bathroom i knocked on xia's door to say good morning, yet i wasn't completely prepared for what she would hit me with when i walked into her room.

"chloe oh my god! why didn't you fucking tell me that billie eilish followed you on instagram?" she screamed at me.

confused i took her phone and saw what she was obsessing over. i clicked on the profile and saw that it was in fact billie and she had infact followed me. i turned to chloe, still confused, and asked "why are you freaking out about this, i told you i met her yesterday?"

looking back up at me then to her phone again she continued to scream "yeah but i thought you were bullshitting me or it was just a joke! i didn't know billie fucking eilish spoke to you what the fuck!"

i laughed then walked out of her room, she's crazy sometimes but she's my only friend. she's helped me in times i couldn't help myself and to be honest she's the reason i'm alive.
i'd be on the streets without xia and for that i owe her everything.

xia and i met in a gas station - i know, it's not that exciting - i was getting some chips and gum and just random snacks at gas stations. we met because when i was trying to pay for my things, i was a dollar and 46 cents short. i don't really know why, but i'll always remember that number, it seems significant.
xia was in line to pay and she gave me the extra change i needed, and 30 dollars more.

when she did that i broke down in tears. it was a small gesture but no one had done anything nice for me in years and i wish that was an exaggeration.
she comforted me until i was able to explain my situation and we sat in her car and talked for the next hour. she then offered for me to be her house mate, and after a lot of convincing, i said yes.

it did seem a little sketchy. she was a stranger, but it was probably the best choice i made, as now she's my best friend and she's been there for me for a year and 4 months now.

i tend to remember all the little specific things in my life. things that probably aren't important but still are to me. they distract me from everything else, if i'm in an uncomfortable situation, i just count how many times i blink or how long my breathing lasts. all small things to take my mind off everything.

i started doing this when my father started abusing me. i would try and distract myself from everything.

it started with him just saying things to me that were completely degrading and made me feel beyond worthless.

then it got worse. he would hit me and smash bottles at me or near my head. most of this happened when he was under the influence, but in time it just became daily routine, even when he was sober.
i just don't understand how a man can hate his own daughter so much to attempt to kill her everyday.

but during those situations i'd count how many times he'd blink, or how many times he'd punch the wall, or anything else to take my mind off of what was actually happening.

since then i'd keep track of every single thing in my life, just to take my mind of things or, just since it's normal for me now.

there's a lot of things i do that i've been told aren't normal, but i find it completely normal to me. i guess that's why xia booked me for therapy.

she's amazing and i couldn't be more grateful for her in my life.

a/n
lolllll i haven't posted in like months

sorry y'all but writing is so much harder than i thought. i go through so much self doubt bc i read so many amazing books and try and get my books to the standards of those but i really don't think that's gonna happen ;-;

anyways stan xia bc she's my queen.

my friend lia is my inspo for xia. u can literally see how similar their names are lol.
anyways lia is my rock and even tho she's only my online friend we're close as shit and i love her. hope to meet u soon u piece of shit 😚

enjoy this little chapter while i look for motivation to write more lol