Where Did We Go

Chapter Fourteen

Warnings: Angst

Word Count: 2081

Author's Note: I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)

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I wasn't sure how long I ended up sitting on the couch, staring straight at the ground until the edges of my vision became fuzzy. My mind was bouncing all over the place, flooding me with one emotion and then immediately changing its course. I felt paralyzed, unable to control the things my head was screaming at me, and there was only thing I knew would fix it.

Unfortunately, talking to her wasn't exactly an option right now.

I didn't know what exactly it was that finally snapped me out of my trance. Maybe it was the fact that my stomach was starting to rumble after not eating all day, or maybe the complete silence of the house was finally wearing me down and I needed something to fill the silence. Whatever it was, it was enough to get me off the couch and into the kitchen. I turned on the stereo, tuning it to the radio station that Y/N and I often listened to, and leaned against the counter. I could hear my phone vibrating against the coffee table in the other room, but I left the messages unanswered.

Work was far from the first of my concerns at the moment.

My stomach rumbled again, so I began to shuffle around the kitchen looking for something to eat. Y/N had mentioned ordering pizza for dinner, but I figured that was out of the question now. She had said that she needed space and I wasn't going to ignore that request, especially for something as stupid as dinner plans. Instead, I would find something to make for myself. The task would also help to keep my mind occupied for a little while.

After a quick look through the cabinets - and very nearly deciding on eating a bag of chips for dinner, until I remembered that Y/N wouldn't be happy if I did that - I found some ingredients to make myself a ham and cheese sandwich, Doritos included. There was also some leftover fruit salad tucked away, so I added a bit of that to the plate as well. And of course, to top it all off, I grabbed a Red Bull. It may have been a classic tour dinner, but it was still better than a bag of chips.

I finished cleaning up all of my dinner ingredients and then scooped all my things into my arms. Since Y/N still hadn't come downstairs, or even left our bedroom for that matter, I decided to eat out on the porch. That way, she would be able to grab her own dinner from the kitchen without having to worry about running into me. It probably wouldn't be such a bad idea for me to not see her either, since I was still working out exactly how I felt towards her.

The sky was only just barely beginning to grow dim as I took a seat at the little table we had out on the porch. My plate clinked against the metal as I set it down, scaring a bird out of a nearby tree. I sat down and got comfortable, resting my feet on the chair that Y/N usually sat in. The atmosphere was peaceful, but not quite the same as when she was with me. It was rare that I ate dinner outside alone, and it was never because Y/N and I were fighting.

At least, it never had been.

I still loved Y/N, that much was obvious to me, but the rest was difficult to place. There was anger over the things that she had said, sure, but behind that anger was fear that I wasn't doing enough. Since day one, that had always been my greatest fear. I never wanted her to doubt that she was loved and cared for, but evidently I had fallen short. It was like a knife straight to the chest, hearing those words come out of her mouth.

I stopped eating and sat back in my chair; what little appetite that had existed was now gone. A lump was beginning to form in my throat, making it hard to swallow anyway. Y/N's words wouldn't stop echoing in my head.