The Love Of A Lifetime

But None Of Us All Together

  “Mummy, why isn’t daddy here with us?” asked my five year old son, Joshua.

  Little Joshua was curious by nature and was always asking me questions about everything under the sun.

  “Daddy’s up in heaven, remember baby? He went up there before you were born,” I told Joshua quietly, still finding it difficult to talk about him, even after nearly six years.

  “But why?” he asked in that typical five year old voice.

  “Because your daddy stood up to a very bad man and that bad man didn’t like that,” I told my little boy, trying to explain it so he would understand how brave his daddy was.

   “I wish he was here with us,” Joshua said after a minute to process my answer.

   My heart ached to hear him say this. Most five year old boys wished for a new toy or ice cream for dinner, but my little Joshua wished for his daddy. It wasn’t fair, Liam should be here with us, teaching Joshua to play soccer and pull pranks and have farting competitions and other boy stuff. Instead he was gone and we were here by ourselves.

  “I wish he was here too sweetie,” I told him sadly.

   “Do you think he could come back?” Joshua asked me, his blue eyes, just like Liam’s, were hopeful.

   “No baby, he can’t come back,” I replied sadly. “But you have me,” I told him an attempt to comfort him.

  “I know. I love you mummy,” he told me seriously.

   “I love you too sweetheart,” I said with tears in my eyes.

  “Now why don’t you go play with your toys and mummy will be out in a minute,” I suggested, needing a minute to calm the storm of emotions raging inside of me.

  “Okay,” he replied easily and raced off to play with his toys in his room.

  When he was out of the room I wiped my eyes and told myself to pull it together. I couldn’t just break down every time Joshua mentioned his daddy, otherwise I’d never stop crying. I looked around my bedroom. Joshua and I had moved out of the house we had shared with Liam’s family when he was a year old; I just couldn’t stay in that house anymore, with the memories lying in wait to jump out at me at every corner. Liam had grown up in that house and I had been in that house with him, growing up with him, since we were five years old. I just had to leave, find a new place to start over with my baby boy.

  I held onto my locket, the one Liam had gotten me when I was thirteen, and breathed in deeply. I looked at the photos I had in my room, ones of Liam and me and ones of Joshua and me, but none of us all together. I took another deep breath and stood up. I was going to go and play with my son, I was going to live my life and raise my little boy. I would make Liam proud of both of us.