Jesskas One Shots

I'm Sorry Pt2

Welp. Been a while. So over two years ago NamesNotNeededWot asked for a pt2 in the comments so, after completely forgetting about this book, here we are :)

The brown - haired man took a shuddering breath as he entered the graveyard, shoulders tense as he looked at the colourless, opeque sky unable to be the 'glass-half-full' optimist anymore. He looked at the gray concrete, stormy clouds, blackened gate. Anywhere...except for the grave in front of him. He didn't deserve to see that name or to even cry over what occured when it was all his bloody fault for not listening to the person he once loved and who had once loved him. In fact Jesse still loved Lukas but that hardly mattered. Not anymore. Not in a world where Lukas was gone.

Jesse couldn't get over how he never truly got to apologise. Only once Lukas had slipped into unconsciousness did the words slip his lips far too late and the blonde's heart had given out. Everytime Jesse closed his eyes he saw the blood, the knife, the dullness in his eyes. He heard Lukas' defeated voice, the sirens piercing the air too late, his own voice desperately pleading for things to be okay...and they never where. Lukas was dead. That's what mattered.

Everyone had been impacted by it. Aiden, blaming himself nearly as much as Jesse, lost his arragonce. Lost any ability to be the concieted prick he once was. Axel found it harder to crack jokes and when he did he always regretted not doing more to make their former friend happy when he needed someone. Olivia worked harder than ever, often over exhausting herself as she carelessly forgot necessities like eating. Petra was a mess, wishing she'd been there for Lukas like he'd been there for her when her parents kicked her out for being gay. Noone was taking it quite like Jesse though.

He withdrew himself, spending most days regretting or clutching the stuffed pig Lukas had brought him. He wondered why he didn't at least listen or why the fuck he ever let Lukas go. The group worried that they were going to loose another friend but Jesse wouldn't cause that...not again. Finally he spoke, eyes tearful, voice weak but loud in the empty cemetery.
"I'm sorry, Lukas," he said, voice breaking, but he knows he has to say this. "I'm sorry I failed you, I'm sorry I didn't listen and I'm so bloody sorry that I let you die."

The wind whistled through the trees, sounding like echoes accusing and cursing him but Jesse knew no curse could be worse than this.

"I love you, Lukas. I'm sorry I never truly let you know."