Endless Letters

trepidation

I've felt as if something would happen
not sure what.
told you to be careful
thought it wouldn't be so
....hurtful
it happens anyway.
it took you
away from
me.

I'd remember how I used to think that
no one would stay together forever
even as friends.
the thought of that still makes
every inch of me go round and round
making me nauseous
scared of losing people I love.

never did I expect that
I would lose you.
you're taken away from this world
to somewhere nobody knows
I wished it could've been me instead
yet I'm glad the pain vanished.

I'm still afraid.
I don't know what will happen
now or in the future
it kept me awake at night
haunting me like a monster that kids are afraid of.

dear monster of troubles,
I wish you'd stop.
stop giving me challenges to face
I am not ready. I never am.
I tried staying happy but you monster,
you broke the happy child.

my happiness isn't everlasting anymore.