Wrapped in troubles

BitterSweet

Your kiss was so luscious....it left me begging for more...
Your arms wrapped around me perfectly, making me bury my face into your chest every time you hugged me tighter. I would look up and we'd meet eyes. You would slide my bangs aside and kiss my forehead gently. I loved being like this with you....
But then.
One day we just stopped. You looked at me with hate. You tugged at my sleeves and tightened your grip around my waist. You knew I wasn't ready yet you just went ahead and took it. My favorite long sleeve was ripped to shreds in seconds. Your eyes had lost their magic....the world became dark and blurry. Everything moved in slow motion. Each thrust sent pain throughout me. I was struggling to breathe but you wouldn't stop....
How could you do this to your little girl?
Did I even permit you to? You knew my fear and you took it to your advantage. It was already terrible how it was yet you made it even more terrifying by turning it into one of your sick fantasies. I remember one day you said you'd love to hear me scream and cry for it to stop.... I didn't think you were serious about it. I was just an idiot girl. I screamed till my throat went raw and all I could do was whimper. Your fingers entwined in my hair massaging it, as if that would somehow make me feel better. It just made me freeze. I couldn't breathe and all this wouldn't stop. I was confused.....
Why are you doing this?...if you said you wouldn't harm me in anyway....
It's not harm, you said. It's just a debt I had never paid to you till now. You continue to break me slowly each of your breaths making me want to end you. You said that I should be happy that you chose me. Why happy? If I didn't want this in the first place.... It was just you who made up wild scenarios about me actually consenting to it. I didn't. Then I question you that if once this is over, if everything will be back to how it was before. You said no. You already got what you wanted to it's time for us to part ways no matter how much time we spent together. It hurt.... I was just a toy all along? You just wanted me for one thing only?
Even though I feel so much pain around you an insistent part of me wants you here.... I know.... it's foolish. Why go back to something that treats you like royalty one day then as a serf the next day? Can I admit one thing? I kind of liked being treated like scum....only if it meant that I'd have you for  a while longer. Only if it meant that you'd be happy to see me....
Yet my love was not pure in your eyes.