Past doesn't matter (Levi x OC x Erwin) AU/modern +18

Chapter 34: How long until you break? Pt. 2

I was sick, yeah...Sick from worry, sick from anxiety, and sick from love. Torn between the love I feel for Levi, and now also from the blooming and constant growing affection, I feel for Erwin.

I still refuse to call it "love", since I can't believe that it's so easy, or possible, to love two persons like this. It must be a crush, a stupid teenage crush that will go by with the time, but then....why on earth does my heart beat so much faster and harder whenever I meet with Erwin? The foresight of the coming Wednesday, where I will train with him again, fills me with such anticipation that I can barely control myself.

Every part of me wants to be near to him, touch him, hold him...kiss him. I even started to fantasize about having sex with him. More than once. I tried to imagine how he would feel like, how it would be to have him on top of me, while deeply sheathed inside of me. How big or long might he be?

How would it be to run my fingers through his soft, blond hair while we're doing it? Whisper sweet words into his ear while I receive his honest and beautiful compliments in return. Would I feel good to him? Would he be rough or soft and passionate? What would I give to have this big, tightly muscled stud all over and inside me, strong arms holding me tight, close to him, or holding my hands above my head while hammering into me with such great force that I cry from pleasure?

My fantasies were endless, yet, I would never know for sure how reality would look like. I don't even know that, if Levi breaks up with me, Erwin is willing to take his place to be my boyfriend then. I don't want to think about this, to be honest. It would ruin their friendship forever, and it would ruin me, knowing that I am the one responsible for it.

Once more I had to remind me that there's nothing I could do right now. Just waiting and enduring. Everything will become clear by the end of this week...

After we finished eating, Levi collected the dishes and put them into the sink for later before he took his place in front of me again. With his special grip on his cup, fingers draped around the edge of the cup to hold it to his mouth like this, totally ignoring the handle, we spend another 10 minutes with talking, about my work, his work, what happened with that shithead that dared to touch him, and what might possibly happen now that he'd left his client earlier, and probably without his knowing. Until now, Levi hadn't gotten any messages or calls, but he was sure they will come.

I had to hurry with my tea since time was running out. Gulping down the tiny bit that's left, I put the cup into the sink, finally in my mode for doing my fucking job, and not worrying or fearing about the future.

In the hall, I reached for my winter coat and put it on, but when I turned around, Levi was already behind me, holding up a little bag.

"I also made some lunch for you. I suppose we won't see until evening, so...take care, and have fun, baby."

Levi knows how to make my heart ache, and I took a lot of self-control not to start crying at this early hour. I took the bag from his hand and put it aside first, so I can enjoy one last close moment with the man I love. I wrapped my arms around his back and rested my head on his shoulder, face turned to the side to kiss his strong neck and his cheek.

"Thank you, Levi. I'm so happy to have you here. Can't wait to be home again later." I murmured, placing another kiss against his temple before I nestled into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent deep into my lungs.

His arms kept me close to him, holding me tight as one hand stroked over my back until it stilled on my head, fingers softly and carefully fondling through my hair. It was so soothing, I would give anything to stay like this forever.

"Tsk, no need to thank me, brat. It's only natural that I want my girl to feel good, to make sure she eats something decent and that she feels loved and appreciated." Even if I couldnt see his face, I knew that he was smiling. There was this tone in his voice that was unmistakably for a smile. Without noticing it, minutes passed, no one daring to make the first move to let go, but Levi broke the silence first, and what he said, made my heart ache even more than it already does.