PERFECT PERIL; J. HALE [3]

TEN; DESTROYED

STREETLAMPS FLEW PAST as Jasper and I drove through Forks. The training, battles and anxiety for the fight still fresh in my mind. I couldn't help but let in the creeping thoughts that this was all my fault. This had all started because James was murdered - because of me. Victoria ruined my life and turned me into a vampire - because of me. She was coming to finish the job - all because of me. Everything I've done has led up to this moment. My friends, my family and those I love putting themselves at risk.

Seemingly along the same wavelength as me, Jasper broke the comfortable silence. "It's all going to be alright. I'll make sure everything is okay. Bella won't be harmed"

Bella isn't the only person I care about. "And you? How will I feel if you don't survive this? Do you understand how that will absolutely tear me apart inside? That's the thing I wont survive, being without you" How dare he put himself last.

"Then you'll know that I feel the same way" I turned to him but his gaze never left the road, a pained expression appeared on his face and his foot stepped on the gas harder. "-which is why I can't let you fight"

I sat forward in my seat, gobsmacked. The seat-belt locking into place. There is no way in hell he just suggested that I don't fight. I'll be fighting him next if he continues. "You're kidding right?" I got louder. "Obviously kidding! Yes. That's it. You know Jasper - you are SUCH a joker!!" I could feel my blood boiling and my pulse thumping in my neck. How dare he.

"I'm sorry. You would do the exact same for me" His knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel harder, not bringing himself to look at me. Coward.

"Would I? Because I think I would let you make your own decisions, using your own brain and accepting those consequences because that's what adults do Jasper" We turned down a familiar street. "You're serious about this? You not letting me fight? You sound so old fashioned" I know there's no way in hell i'm letting a man tell me what not to do, Jasper or not he doesn't own me.

"Scar, i'm only doing this because I care about you" my house came into view as the car lulled to a stop outside. He finally turned his body to face me and our eyes met for the first time on this drive. "Please"

"Jasper, show me that you care about me by believing in me!" Tears brimmed in my eyes, he was completely serious about putting me on house arrest to 'save me'. Why did I think he was different? I thought that he was in love with me the same way that I was in love with him. This just shows that he isn't. This is not the way that you show somebody you care about them, any sane minded person would understand.

"I can't be distracted tomorrow. If i'm going to make sure Bella and my family are safe I need to not be worrying about what you're doing. Please understand. I do believe in you but this isn't the time to be trying out your powers. I'm proud of you for beating Emmett but these newborns are ruthless and won't hesitate in ripping your head off if they get the opportunity"

Why the sudden change of heart? He was all for teaching me how to fight and rooting or me a few days ago, hell - even a few hours ago. Why now to decide i'm not capable? Unless something happened that showed him I wasn't ready to fight. 

It was like a light had flickered on in my brain and the jigsaw pieces fitted together. My head fell into my hands. "Bella spoke to you" 

That had to be it. They were speaking at the clearing. She must've said to him to keep me safe. It had to be. I know that because I would've done the exact same thing if I was in her shoes.

The energy shifted in the car. "She just wants to keep you safe. So do I. Please Scarlett"

My head lifted and I stared at the floor, feeling completely betrayed by the two people I hold closest to me. They didn't believe in me.

"You know what Jasper? Good luck tomorrow" My hand reached for the cold handle and I opened the door, stepping out. "I hope to hell you don't need my help, because I won't be there. I'm not capable enough"

Before he could respond I shut the door and walked towards the house, not looking back. I couldn't even hear if he had spoke back my ears were thumping too loud. I should be crying. The tears should be pouring from my eyes. I should feel sad but instead anger courses through my veins, lighting me up like a firecracker. Charlie sat on the couch, unaware of the battle that was happening only a few miles away tomorrow, unaware that wolves would surround the house to keep him safe. Unaware that he was in danger. It felt like I floating through the house as I reached my room, soon wolves would surround these woods and make it impossible for me to leave - I had to go now. I shut my door gently and carefully slipped out of the window, making sure not to let Charlie hear me, his safety was a priority too. 

I tried to ignore the fact that if a wolf was to see me right now I would definitely be killed on sight. Bella was safe with Edward and Jacob now, masking her scent from Victoria and her newborns. 

Victoria. She's who I need to be directing my anger at. This would all be over if it wasn't for her. Me and Jasper wouldn't have had a fight, Bella wouldn't be in danger, all would be okay. 

She was who I had to kill. Even if it destroys me.