Loving Our Journey - (MewGulf, Canon Compliant)

I'm Dead Serious, Mister!

As soon as p'May, the author, and p'Tee, the director, paired us together, we had to become Tharn and Type. We had to get used to each other's touch, especially me, because I had no experience in BL. We had to spend hours and hours together and for better of for worse,  I would have to resist lots of time between Mew's arms and legs without embarrassing myself. I couldn't ignore what was happening with my body every time he was next to me. But I was convinced that I was straight and I loved my girlfriend so I didn't want to accept it. My head was a mess.

On one of our firsts workshops, I decided that I had to face the problem at once. We had to reenact a scene from the movie 'Call Me By Your Name'. I was Elio and had to kiss Oliver. When you are rehearsing, you hardly ever kiss for real, because the important part is conveying the emotions that the characters require. Before starting the exercise, I decided that I would kiss Mew. I needed to do it to stop building sexual tension. I believed that when I kissed him, I would be able to feel normal again.

We were lying on the floor, next to each other. 'Not bad,' I said, or Elio said. 'Not bad.' Mew sat down and leaned closer to me. Just like the original, he started to caress my lips with one of his fingers. I felt that I was going to burst. My body was on fire, but I also felt something tingling inside my chest. I got really scared of that feeling, but I used it to convey Elio's passion. I was terrified, but I moved closer to him and I licked his lips with the tip of my tongue anyway. Mew gasped and he looked flustered for a second, but I knew he would be able to manage. He was a professional after all. Just like I expected, he recovered quickly and smirked devilishly almost touching my lips. Like Elio, I closed the gap and I pressed my lips on his. We moved our lips rhythmically, perhaps with a little too much eagerness for the part.

He was supposed to stop me and suggest leaving, but before that happened, the teacher and the boys were applauding and cheering at us. We started to laugh and I felt heath on my ears again. We thanked the boys and the teacher announced that it was time for lunch. Mew looked into my eyes with curiosity and I smiled. He started to say something but Mild took my arm and praised my acting skills and everybody agreed. 'TharnType is going to be a big success!' someone said and we cheered and Boat said that we should celebrate, so we went for sushi. I didn't dare to look openly at Mew, but I stole a couple of glances. He looked relaxed and happy, but he was quieter than ever. When we got back to the studio, we were asked to work in pairs again. We had to prepare some lines and of course, we would make the most of our time if we did that exercise while we were hugging.

I thought that spending some time without him seeing my face would be very convenient, so I sat in front of him, between his legs and I pressed my back against his chest. I started reading the script but Mew took it gently from my hand and said, 'Nong, can we talk for a minute?' 'Sure, p' I said nonchalantly. 'Could you please sit down in front of me?' He asked. I knew that I wouldn't be able to look at him without spilling everything to save my life, so I answered, 'But p', I'm so comfortable right now. Let me stay like this, na?' He breathed heavily but agreed with a hum. My heart was thumping so hard in my chest that I was afraid that he would hear it. I continued with my act, 'So, p', what do you want to talk about?'

'Nong...'

'Yes, p...'

'Why... why did you kiss me for real before?'

'Oh, my. Here we go,' I thought. 'Well, p... You know I don't have a lot of experience so I was feeling a little stiff... I thought that we would have to kiss eventually, so... Why should we wait?' 'Was it... a mistake?'

'No!' 'Not a mistake, at all. I was curious. But also I wanted to talk about something with you. Something I think you don't know.'

My heart was like a drum and I was really glad that I was facing the wall. 'What is it p'?'

'Perhaps... Have you heard about what happened with my previous partner, Art?' I wasn't expecting that. His voice sounded a bit shaky and I think he was shivering a little. 'Was he nervous too?' I didn't say anything, so he continued:

'I really don't want to talk about it, but I feel I must. With you. I... got confused. I... He gave me mixed signals and I thought... I believed that we could have something real. The fan service is something twisted and you have to be very calm and confident, otherwise sometimes the lines get blurred and you can end up in a scandal. Like I did.'

I was panicking at that moment. Had he noticed that my lines were all completely blurred already? I couldn't say anything. I was sweating like a guilty suspect under the spotlight and my tongue was paralyzed. So again, he had to continue.

'Nong, what I'm trying to say is that Art outed me. I kissed him and instead of telling me that he was uncomfortable, he complained publicly. I received a lot of hate because of that and he made me look like a pervert. I still can't believe that p'May and p'Tee have overlooked all that drama and given me the part anyways. But, I want you to know everything and I want you to feel safe. And I want you to know that I would never reveal something that you do or tell me in confidence. I would never do to you what Art did to me. Do you believe me?' He asked with a tone full of urgency.

I felt that my heart was being squeezed and I had to repress a strong desire to give this beautiful man a hug. My feelings were all over the place but I felt that I needed to comfort him. 'I believe you,' I told him and I felt him exhaling loudly, as if he had been holding his breath. 'You don't need to be worried about me, p,' I said, 'You can kiss me as often as you wish.' As soon as the words escaped my mouth I wanted to crack my head open against the wall. Great timing to hit on him, when he was opening his heart to me! 'Why are you such an idiot, Gulf!' I was brooding like crazy over what to say to fix it, when I suddenly was surprised by Mew's contagious laugh and his belly moving up and down against my back.

'You are awesome, nong! Thanks for being so sweet!' He laughed a bit more and he gave me back the script to continue working. Just like that. I was completely dumbfounded. He thought I was joking!