Broken

Chapter 11.

It was the day we were all dreading. The day of the wake, I had spent the last few nights with Charlie. Mainly because every time I tried to leave he would beg me not to go, and honestly I didn't have the heart to tell him no. I was getting ready when Justin walked in. 

"Shit, I'm sorry." He turned to walk out.

"No, I need your help can you zip this for me?" I stopped him. He turned back around.

"Of course how are you doing today?" He questioned. 

"Well, I'm running on roughly about five-ish hours of sleep since last week, but I haven't cried yet today, so that's a bonus." I tried to sound as enthusiastic as I could, but he could see through my facade. He gave me a hug. 

"We are all going to be right here for you, if you need anything at all you let one of us know okay?" He looked deeply into my eyes waiting for my reply, but all I could think about was what the days events were going to bring. I was going to get to see him for one last time, but it wouldn't be the same. "Hey, princess are you okay?" Justin's concerned voice brought me back to reality I looked at him, and just nodded my head. I grabbed his arm, and we headed downstairs.

"Mom may I please ride with Marley?" Charlie asked once he saw Justin and I emerge into the kitchen. Kate looked towards us.

"If it's okay with them we don't have a problem with it." She said with a smile.

"It's not a problem at all!" Justin exclaimed sitting next to Charlie at the table. I took a deep breath, but continued to look around the kitchen. Flowers, pictures everything you could imagine was crowding the room. 

"Marley you good sweetie?" Ray asked putting his hand on my shoulder I sighed how many times was I going to get asked this question today? Instead of using my words knowing nothing would come out anyway I just blinked back tears, and shook my head. Ray gave me a sympathetic look, and opened his arms for me. I willingly let him embrace me as I cried into his chest. "I know baby, I know." He whispered rubbing my head. 

"Alright, it's time." Kate announced after a few moments, my back stiffened, and I hugged Ray a little tighter for a moment longer. When I finally let go everyone else was already in their cars I got in the passenger seat of Justin's car. He looked at me for a moment, before pulling off......

"I'm so sorry for your loss, if you need anything please don't hesitate to call." I felt awkward standing up with Kate, Ray, and Charlie next to Tyler's casket. I shouldn't be up here I don't belong here. Everyone came up to talk to me still though even when I was sitting down for a short time before they made me stand with them. I was getting fidgety, and was finding it harder to be this close to him I turned towards Kate. 

"I need some air." I whispered as I quietly walked away, and out the doors. The breeze instantly hitting me giving my the chills. I wrapped my arms around myself in hopes that would help. Cold or not I still wasn't going back in there for a bit. 

"Here honey." Andy had wrapped his jacket around me.

"Thanks." I gave him a small smile he nodded his head, and leaned on the balcony next to me. Natalie came, and sat next to me on the edge. We held each other in a hug for a while.

"Me too." Was all she said I knew exactly what she meant. I'm not sure how long we had been out here, but Andy's jacket was starting to not be helpful, and I started shivering. 

"I know you don't want to, but we need to go back inside. You're shivering!" Natalie observed breaking the silence. 

"I know, lets go." We stood up, and held hands as we walked back inside. There were even more people here than before, and of course Natalie led me right back up to the front. As we passed Tyler's casket I shut my eyes I wasn't ready. Charlie had come to stand next to me, and was hugging my leg. I had glanced at the back of the room, and saw all the guys standing there Natalie had joined them, and was talking to them. I swore for a second I saw Tyler in the middle of them all laughing like he usually would be. But as soon as it had happened it disappeared. I turned around and instantly regretted it. The casket was filled, and inside wasn't Tyler! I felt my knees getting weak, and couldn't see anymore. I felt arms around me, and my face was suddenly consumed in darkness. 

"Shh, shh baby I know. I know." It was Justin that had come to my rescue, again. 

"I-it's not h-him!" I stuttered. We were sitting down, and this time all the guys were with me, and even Natalie. 

"They had to do a lot to make it an open casket, you know that." I shook my head. 

"I don't want to be here anymore!" I cried out.

"What do you mean by that?" 

"Marley?" Charlie cut me off before I could answer I opened my arms, and he gladly ran into them. "You were fine earlier." He whimpered.

"I know, I know baby. I'm sorry." I sobbed. He was wrong, I was not fine earlier. I had been trying my absolute hardest to keep a brave face for him. The fact I even lasted as long as I did being here is a miracle. 

"Charlie, I aspire to be as strong as you are being right now. You are one of the strongest people I know." I said pulling him closer to me, afraid he would disappear. He started crying too, and soon we had an audience, but nobody dared say anything. 

"Here Charlie come with me a minute. His aunt came up grabbing his arm. He was reluctant to let go of me, but eventually he gave up fighting and went with her. I had laid my head on Justin's shoulder I closed my eyes for a minute needing a break from seeing all the black around me. But whenever I closed my eyes I just kept seeing Tyler's lifeless body laying in the coffin, and immediately opened my eyes and jumped up, causing Justin to jump due to my sudden outburst. 

"Mar, sit down." He rubbed my shoulders, but there was no soothing me right now, nothing was going to make me feel better my best friend was gone, and he was never coming back. 

"I don't want to be here anymore, I can't be here anymore. How am I supposed to go on without him? I've never been without him! This isn't fair!" I didn't know I was capable of making such a statement. I instantly put my hand over my mouth, and ran out of the room as soon as the words left my mouth. I wasn't sure where I was running to, but I didn't stop until I knew for a fact I wasn't around anyone anymore. I dropped to my knees. 

"Why didn't you take me? He had so much going for him! Why him?" I screamed at the sky. I wasn't expecting an answer or anything, of course but it felt so good to finally be able to scream, and not have to worry about hurting anyones feelings, or anyone trying to calm me down. I needed this! I screamed even louder this time. "WHY HIM? WHY NOT ME? WHY DIDNT I JUST CANCEL MY PLANS AND GO WITH HIM?" My voice was starting to get scratchy, and I just laid down on the grass. "I can't do this without you, please come back.. I'll do anything." I sobbed looking up at the sky watching as the clouds slowly passed by. I took a few deep breathes trying to calm myself back down, but with no luck. 

"Marls we need to go back." The sound of her voice scared me I didn't think anyone had followed me this far, but of course someone would have. I didn't bother moving though still laying watching the stupid clouds. "Marley I know how hard this is for you, believe me I do, but now is not the time to go awol on all of us, okay we can't lose you too." Natalie grabbed my arm, and I let her pull me up. She was right, I can't be doing this it would ruin everyone, I had to be strong off not for myself then I would do it for Charlie, all the guys, Justin our parents, and for him.