Shattered

Chapter 24

I won't lie and say that I was proud of my choices. The emotions and thoughts in my head at that moment influenced my actions. This night in particular was one of my vulnerable times. I had opened up to Chandler about my past, which I hadn't done with anyone. Sharing something so intimate and private will make you feel all sorts of things. If I'm honest, my actions over the next few days aren't my best, and I don't expect anyone to understand why I did what I did. I can't even explain it.

After sharing that fervent kiss with Chandler, I had entered a sort of daze; incredibly disappointed with myself, but still realizing that it was a conscious decision, one I made on my own. It was a way to pull him closer to me, deeper into my facade of submission. As much as I didn't want to, I still had a part to play, and that part required physical contact.

"Hey, baby." Turning from the window, I watched as Chandler entered the bedroom, sweatpants hanging low on his hips, his firm chest bare. Even in my thick clothes, I felt cold, so who knows how he was perfectly fine half-dressed.

"Hey," I greeted back, facing the window to hide my flushed cheeks. Embarrassment and mortification were all I felt. His arms wrapped around my waist as his head landed on my shoulder, holding me close. Thinking of placing my hand over his, I second-guessed myself, deciding too much contact would give him the wrong idea. I need to start slow and make sure he doesn't expect anything from me.

While I spiraled down the loophole of my mind, a stealthy yawn ambushed me. "Are you sleepy?" Chandler asked with a chuckle, gently squeezing my waist. "Yeah, kind of," I answered, still feeling quite awkward around him.

Suddenly, I was turned, being lifted by the backs of my thighs. "Let's get you in bed then." He pushed away the sheets, laying me down in the middle before climbing in beside me. Chandler pulled me onto his chest, holding me tightly.

"Tomorrow is New Year's Eve," he mumbled into my hair, slowly rubbing his hand down my arm. I wasn't very comfortable with it, but I didn't move. My body had just healed from his last fit of rage, it's understandable that I didn't want to put myself in another situation like that so soon.

"I know," I answered, sighing deeply as I shut my eyes. "My company is having an event tomorrow night, so I'll need to attend, obviously." It'd be disappointing if the CEO wasn't at his own New Years Eve party, but I also wouldn't put it against Chandler to find a way out of it.

"You'll be joining me."

My eyes shot open. What? I've left the apartment once, but I stayed in the car only. This meant I would be able to talk to other people, normal people. I didn't notice how deprived I was of common social interaction until I had the opportunity to see new faces.

I say "common" because my conversations with Chandler are usually arguments or him telling me what to do. With Stella, it's about her telling me not to leave Chandler and just playing the role of his obedient bitch. Next, we have Lucas, who I've hardly conversed with, and I've learned that he prefers to instigate arguments. On the other hand, I have Nakoa, who is undoubtedly pleasant and sweet, but it's impossible to have a normal conversation when you're both in an entirely abnormal situation.

For these reasons, none of my interactions over the past month have been common.

"Nakoa and Lucas will come along as well, although I'm unsure of how she'll behave." Chandler's voice pulled me back into my reality, the ever so harsh reality of my life. "And you believe my behavior will be any better than Nakoa's?" After I spoke, I second-guessed myself, wondering if my questions would make him change his mind. I wanted to go out.

"You'll be beside me the whole night, I'll make sure of that, and if you're not, you'll be with Lucas. I trust you're not so stupid and incompetent enough to try and run." I think everyone has their stupid and incompetent moments, however, I wasn't thinking of trying to escape here. Maybe if I had a clear shot, but it had only been three days since the tragic and very much failed attempt of Nakoa's and mine, so I'd have to be really stupid and incompetent to try that.