la colombe (re-editing)

one

dedicated; because she makes the best covers and was kind enough to make me one too c:  

ella

       we lay on my bed, engulfed in each other's thoughts, each of us not wanting to move, afraid of ruining the moment. it was perfect, for once, everything was perfect and there wasn't a flaw in the world. it was just him and i, lying on my bed overlooking the unforgettable lights that lingered across new york city. the silence around us formed into comfort, there was no need to talk, just feel. feel the moment, clutch onto it and make it last, he had told me that the first time we met. i love him, and i don't think i've ever loved anyone as much as i do him. his arms were wrapped around me, as he was in the middle of another one of his philosophical speeches.

       that's one thing i'll never get used to. to him, everything is something more. a sky isn't just a sky, a bus isn't just a source of transportation. everything has meaning to him, the way he sees the world is truly remarkable.

       "and so i explained to this lady that sometimes life may suck, but when it sucks, that's the perfect time and place to discover the choices you have," he paused, thinking of what to say next.

       "it's never 'choice a or b' or the basic choices of 'you can fix what you're doing or continue being a piece of crap.' no. when life sucks you have more than the two basic choices that life gives you. you have millions of choices, but some choose to just focus on the two basic choices, precisely because they are afraid of taking risks. other choices, beside  the basics, are always filled with risks which frighten people at times. nonetheless, they are much better than the basics, i think." he smiled, a smile that was filled with content, pleased with what he had just said.

       squeezing me a bit harder, he came closer and whispered in my ear, "and this is exactly how i know i looked at the right choices, because i am here laying with the love of my life at 11 at night profoundly speaking about choices. of all things," he laughed and kissed my forehead.

       "i love you, ella," he murmured

       "i love you too, wynn."

        in that moment i made more than a choice, i made a promise. i promised that if i ever had to let this person go, i will not regret it. there comes a time where you are truly happy, but i've found that the source of your happiness can last for months, years, even decades. in the end, there always comes a time where it'll loosen the tight grip you had on that happiness and disappear.

       and if my source of happiness disappears i won't regret loosening that grip because i know there are reasons for it.

      almost everything that was loosened or lost has reasons behind it's present state of complete damage. there are explanations, some just have a hard time at understanding the concept of the simple statement 'under construction.' things become broken, they tend to dissolve in the midst of becoming fixed, but, the reality of it, is that they are just figuring themselves out.