The World Through Blue Eyes

Chapter 1

We lay on Hove Lawns as we had since we were children and watched the snowflakes cascade elegantly from the sky. He turned to look at me and my pulse increased rapidly as it always did when I saw his beautiful coffee coloured eyes gazing into mine. A shiver shimmied down my spine partly due to the snow but mainly because of him. 

"Cold?" He asked. 

"Only a little." I replied

"We can go if you want?" He offered. 

"No! Come on it's my eighteenth birthday, I'm officially an adult now and I have to continue the rituals we've done since we were kids or I'll just feel like an old, decrepit sell out." I laughed.

"Good point. Do you remember why we use to come here to do this?" He checked. 

"Of course. You weren't allowed to come to my birthday sleepovers because it was girls only so we use to come here in the mornings so you could give me my present." I recalled. 

"Very good." He grinned, producing a badly wrapped gift from his rucksack. 

"Jesus Christ did you wrap that or was it your baby sister?" I mocked and he punched me playfully in the arm. 

"Just open it dickhead." He laughed. 

I ripped my way through the layers of sellotape and carefully unwrapped the tissue paper to reveal a brown box. 

"Is it a puppy? Or a pony? Or a..." 

"I'm freezing my balls off out here so can you just fucking hurry up and open it?" He grinned. 

I opened the box to reveal a small black jewellery box containing a pair of earrings. 

"Wow they're beautiful Alex! Seriously. I mean those diamonds look really real." 

"That's because they are." He told me. 

"Fuck off! No! Are you joking? Oh my god!" I screamed. 

"Oh come on I've seen your parents mansion Livie. I'm sure  you've been given diamonds before." 

"Yeah but when it's from my great aunts will and comes with a note saying 'maybe this necklace  will help distract people from your huge nose' it's not quite the same." I laughed. 

"Well I'm glad you like them boo." He smiled and I couldn't help it, I didn't know if it was the earrings, or because it was my birthday or most likely just fifteen years worth of loving a boy and wondering when anything would finally happen but I kissed him. 

"Livie." He whispered, pulling away with a look of pain and guilt in his eyes. "You know I love you but not like that darling, I should've told you this ages ago I know but I guess I kind of knew you had feelings for me and I didn't want to upset you...I'm gay." 

"What?" I gasped, tears filling my eyes as I turned away from him. 

"Oh Livie please don't cry I love you so much." He begged. 

"We've been friends for fifteen years and you couldn't have told me that?" I snapped. 

"I know, I'm sorry I just didn't know how! I didn't want this you know? I want to be straight I mean fuck my parents would kill me if they ever found out I like boys they think it's a sin which is dumb considering they live in the gay capital of England...anyway look I never wanted to hurt you I mean I didn't tell anyone so you're the first person to know if that helps?" 

"I need to go, my parents are doing some dumb party tonight with my family so I need to get ready." I told him and then left without another word from either of us. 

I arrived back home and as soon as I closed the front door I burst into tears. My plans for the future had all been ruined in one sentence, I replayed it over and over again in my head, 'I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay, I...' 

"Darling! What's the matter?" Mum asked rushing to me and wrapping her arms round me. "Shh, it's ok, don't cry my love." 

"Alex....told me....he was....gay."I whimpered. 

"Oh girlie I'm so sorry. Relationships, both romantic and platonic are incredibly difficult, for most people their first love isn't who they end up with anyway." Mum said.

"For you and mother it was." I reminded her.

My parents met on the first day of secondary school and became friends purely out of necessity as they didn't know anyone else. Mum came out as lesbian one year later and Mother came out as trans later that year and they supported each other through everything as friends and then when they were fifteen they began to date. Mum went to the doctors with Mother when she decided to get surgery to become a woman biologically and held her hand until the last moment she was taken for her operation on the day of the surgery. Both of their parents rejected them as they were very traditional so they moved to Brighton with little money and started their own business and hit their first million when they were only twenty five. They adopted Daniel, my older brother, later that same year and me a few years later. I knew their love story off by heart as it was the most beautiful one of all in my opinion and it was written about in many magazines which I poured over as a child. I wanted that with Alex, the childhood sweethearts who would take over my parents business and adopt children of our own and until today I really thought it would happen. 

"Just because it happened that way for us, doesn't mean it will with you my love, I was incredibly lucky to find your mother." She smiled. 

"I was more lucky to find you." Mother smiled, hugging mum from behind and kissing her cheek. Even after thirty years together they were still nauseating. 

"Um excuse me some of us are trying to eat here and you're making me want to vom." Daniel remarked sauntering in with a sandwich. "Have you been crying Livie?" 

"Yeah, Alex is gay and he rejected me." I admitted. 

"Sucks to be you." He laughed and mother elbowed him in the side. 

"Ow that's child abuse!" He shouted. 

"Well learn to have a little empathy then." Mother retorted. "To be honest it doesn't surprise me about Alex, my gaydar was going off a little." 

"Mine too." Mum agreed. 

"And you couldn't have mentioned it?" I asked. 

"Well we didn't know for sure." Mum shrugged. "Anyway, we need to get this party sorted, your dress is laid out on your bed sweetie."