The World Through Blue Eyes

Chapter 5

I got home that night feeling amazing. Chris had taken me to a little spot of Brighton where someone had painted a huge graffiti blue eye on the wall and said that it would always remind him of me now. We talked more, it turned out he had two younger siblings who, like my sister, he had pretty much raised as he was the oldest. He said at one point they believed he was their dad because he was the only person they had to look up to and they had been heartbroken when he had to tell them he wasn't. They had been adopted by a young couple in Wales, he had lived with them for a while but the couple didn't want the responsibility of a teenager and he kept trying to parent his siblings as he always had which angered them. He had also been pretty heavily into drugs at the time and got into a lot of fights which scared his siblings so he left. He didn't see them very often anymore. He hated the preconception people had of him just because of the way he looked (dark clothes, a black eye which I didn't dare ask about and usually with a cigarette in his hand) and some of the dumb shit he had done in his past when he was sad, he said he was actually quite sensitive but he was scared to show it because he'd been so hurt before. My mood instantly dropped as soon as I got in the house to see Alex standing in the hall. 

"Your mum let me in. We haven't spoken since your birthday night, I know you said you needed some time but...I miss you. Can we talk?" He asked. 

I nodded and led him up to my bedroom. He sat down on my bed and I felt his knee touch mine causing a shiver to travel up my spine as it always had done when I had contact with Alex which made me want to cry because I didn't want to feel that extreme physical attraction for him anymore. I think he noticed because he repositioned himself slightly further away. 

"So, what have you been up to?" He questioned. 

"Not a lot...I met a guy." 

"Really? Sis spill that tea!" He demanded and I smiled, he'd never said anything like that before. I'd heard him be a little camp around some of his other friends back when we were at school but I thought it was a joke because he was never like that around me. 

"No it's not like that, we're just friends." I explained. 

"Ugh boring, why?" 

"Because...I'm still getting over you." I admitted. 

He was quiet before finally saying "Oh. Right. Well...fuck this is awkward." 

"See this is why I told you I needed time." I reminded him. 

"Well it's been a week." 

"And I was in love with you for almost fifteen years!" I shouted. 

"I'm sorry ok! I wanted to be fucking straight I wanted to be in love with you and marry you and work at your parents business and adopt a bunch of kids and I tried so fucking hard but fuck I can't lie about who I am anymore! I like guys! I fought it for so long but I like guys and I can't fucking change that and I will not let you make me feel bad for that!" He shouted back, tears streaming for his eyes. "You need to learn to change the plan, you're so set in your ways and you crave this idea of a perfect family like your parents so much that I think you were more in love with that plan than you were with me! You need to learn to be young and experience your teens rather than constantly planning for this perfect future! You need to learn to see things from a different perspective, to have your own life and not try to recreate what your parents have and mimic their views! Damn Liv, you have those gorgeous blue eyes, you need to learn to see the world through them."

"What does that mean?" I scoffed. 

"You need to learn to see the world as you baby girl. Figure it out." He said and then left. 

"I mean what the fuck does that mean? Seeing the world through my eyes?! How else would I see it?" I ranted at Daniel. 

He sighed, rolled his eyes, removed his headphones and turned to face me as I was laying on his bed and he was sat in his gaming chair he had convinced Mother to buy him much to Mum's protest as it 'didn't go with the rest of the beautiful interior design'. 

"Livie, I love you, you're an annoying little shit most of the time but I do which is why I'm gonna say this, he's kinda right. You're eighteen, you need to start getting your own views which are different from our parents. You set your heart on the first boy you met because you were so desperate for this cute little family picture which I guess is part of being an ex foster kid because I'm like that too with my girlfriend sometimes, I get too clingy and rely on her far too much as my entire universe and I have to take a step back. This guy you keep sneaking off to the beach to meet, take it slow ok?"  Daniel said.

"Firstly him and I are just friends, secondly how do you even know about that?" I asked. 

"I have my ways. Now piss off would you? I'm meeting my girlfriend in half an hour and I don't think she'd appreciate me showing up unshowered and gross." 

"Ah yes this mysterious girlfriend, when am I going to get to meet her? Or at least know her name?" I questioned. 

"I don't know at some point probably. Now I told you to piss off!"