Wordsmith Lobby [CLOSED]

5 | Wordsmith Diaries #1: Dark Realm

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Critic: CloudNine9Haven
Author: ashamelessintrovert

Title

• Okay, for me, the title "Dark Realm" is kinda common—however, commonality is never a hindrance to write a good story. Besides, as much as I want something unique for a title, but really, I am more concerned with the content more than the superficial element of a prose. So I think it's okay. It also gives off that kind of enigma. Like "What? Why is it entitled Dark Realm?" Mapapaisip pa rin ang mga readers which is exactly what we want. Though the title is also somehow confusing in terms of genres—to be honest it sounds like a fantasy, sci-fi, or mystery/thriller to me but I did not see any of it in the tags of your story so I am kinda confuse at first but then, nang simulan ko nang basahin, nalaman ko na kung bakit ganoon. All in all, I think the title is catchy despite of being less peculiar.

Book Cover

Minimalist. It looks like a photo that you can see on a blogging website. If we'll gonna dive into the point of view of a reader, it is not something that will immediately attract their attention. It is not that bad either but if you want to utilize it as a tool to effectively market your story in the wide range of audience in Wattpad, then I suggest for you to invest more in finding book covers that are trendy today. It depends in your target readers.

Kung target mo ay mga teenager age range: 12-18. I say ang patok sa kanila ay mala-Pop fiction book covers. Some other teenagers naman are more fascinated with book covers that are more playful in terms of colors like photo manips type of book covers. Try to engage yourself in some online Wattpad communities that caters such things.

Description/Synopsis

I noticed that your description and synopsis are the same and that's okay. I'm not really that fond of descriptions anyway but, it is one of the most vital element that is crucial in gaining more attentions for your story. Moreover, based on what I read, it is somewhat satisfying. In a way kasi, naipakita mo naman ng pahapyaw kung tungkol saan ang story mo.

Nagsimula sa isang quotation na—I think na nagmula sa main character mo. The quotation is good enough to carry out the next words that will fill your descriptions. However, eto na... I noticed some phrases that are a little awkward—words that can actually be written in a smoother way.

E.g.

Hestia (grows) in a world where writers are the superstars.

It's okay sana. Kaso sa word choice mo parang tunog halaman naman si Hestia. Parang, "A strawberry plant grows better in a humid environment."

So it should be better if:

Hestia [grew up] in a world where writers are the superstars.

There.

Another grammatical error that I saw in your description is this:

"What will happen when she will enters the Wordsmith Academy?"

First the sentence construction is awkward. Hindi naman natin kailangan maging super savvy in terms of technical explanations. Ang technique lang dito, basahin mo nang malakas iyong sentence mo. Pakinggan mo kung tama ba o weird sa pandinig. Isa pa, when using the auxiliary verb "will" I think you should always use a plural verb after it. Furthermore, in this line of yours, the sentence should rather written this way:

"What will happen if she will enter the Wordsmith Academy?"

There.

The following lines ng description/synopsis mo are okay. I have no problem with the wordings and grammars. It was actually amazing na. Doon na sa bandang dulo mararamdaman ng readers mo ang "chill factor" 'yong feeling na mae-excite na silang basahin ang story mo dahil sa mga salitang binitawan mo.