Killed by words

mourning Ivy Carlson

Arriving at school was like a living hell. Nearly everyone was wearing black to represent Ivy's death. Even the outcasts. It's not like she was a good person because she's not. Well, she wasn't.

They're only important till there dead is what my mum says. I can see that's true now by the way people who don't even know Ivy are crying in agony. This made me wonder how many fake people would cry at my death. Pretending that they cared but really they just just wanted to get attention out of it and wanted to seem like a decent person, because there not bad. They care, right?

Ivy has been a cruel person even before my father passed. It first started with her teasing, like pinching me when we were on the playground or her not letting me join in her little games of hide and go seek. It then progressed when we got older, much worse than before. She began picking on my insecurities like a banana peel and the pinching slowly turned into a punch.

I don't know much about her home life. Actually, barely anyone does. From what I heard, her dad is an alcoholic. That would explain a lot.
Sometimes I would see ivy walking in class late with bruises all up her arms, which looked like someone had grabbed her and the bruises were the results of her trying to get away. Maybe her dying was saving her from the things that happened behind closed doors.

Even though she could be so horrible to everyone who walked by her. I tried the help knowing that something was seriously wrong by complaining to the teacher about the bruises I saw. That instantly backfired. After Ivy finding out about my complaining to the teacher, she pulled me up against the lockers like in those scenes that you see in a typical chick flick movie. She told me to never talk about her to the adults again and I did as she wished. I do understand why she didn't want me to tell anyone as it's her life and I could be wrong about what's happening. I let her be.

While walking to my lesson as I avoided the crowd, I could see Courtney from a far. She seems to love the attention of all the students asking how she is handling the loss of her 'best friend'. She put on a fake cry which I was the only person who seemed to be able to see through her cheep lies. She didn't even shed a tear. She just sat there re-wiping her eyes making them red as a bloodstained ruby. I rolled my eyes as I walked by to sit down on my desk.

I had nonconformist thoughts that scattered throughout my brain for the whole dreadful day. What I said last night. Me wishing Ivy was dead. Was this just a huge coincidence? And if  not, then what shall I do about it?

I threw my head into my hands as I looked out the window trying to take slow breathes. Trying to calm down.

"It wasn't my fault, it was just a coincidence" I said repeatedly under my breath.