More Than Surviving

Chapter 1

                                     Clarke's POV
Voices rang through my head as we walked back towards camp Jaha. I didn't know what to think, what to do. Hell, I didn't even know why I was walking back with them. Looking at all of my people.. at Bellamy, Raven, Octavia, my mom and even Kane. I couldn't describe the feeling that I had, the only way I can think of describing it is just
plain old guilt. I wasn't even sure if I could go back to face the rest of my people after what I had done. I killed 384 people.. innocent people.

Men.

Women.

Even Children..

"Clarke? You alright? We're here."

The sound of a familiar voice snapped me out of whatever trance I was in. And sure enough, it was Bellamy. We had arrived.

Bellamy stopped and waited beside me as we watched everyone jog back into camp, looking happy and undeafeated. Almost all of them with smiles on the faces, hugging and kissing their long lost loved ones. I looked at them longingly, a feeling of slight happiness stirring about in my mind. Then I remembered how they got this new-found happiness they were so eager to receive, and the guilt and shame came flooding right back to me.

Bellamy looked at me with worry in his eyes, I could feel it.
"I think we deserve a drink" he said with a slight laugh.

"Have one for me." I replied,  still looking out longingly at my people, being reminded how they got there with every passing second.

"Hey. We'll get through this." Bellamy replied, noticing me staring. It's almost like he knew what I was thinking.

I looked down at the ground, trying to figure out the right words to say. How do you tell your friend that you aren't coming back to your people because you killed 384 innocent people to save your own? That you killed children to save your own people for your own selfish reasons?

"I'm not coming in" I finally said plainly.

I could feel my breathing get harder as Bellamy sighed, and finally looked at me. I didn't wanna look at him, it would just make me feel worse. I felt like I owed it to him though, to do this. For him. He deserved an explanation. So I looked at him, in the eyes. Tears began to surface as he opened his mouth and said
" If you need forgiveness, Clarke. I'll give it to you... I forgive you."

"Please come inside"

I could feel the desperation in his voice as those last 3 words left his mouth.

After taking one last look at Arkadia, I managed to find the right words.

"Take care of them for me" I reply with another veil of tears threatening to erupt from my crystal blue eyes any moment now.

B-"Clarke.."

C-"Seeing their faces everyday.. it's just going to remind me what I did to get them here, Bellamy."

B- "What WE did, Clarke. You don't have to do this alone."

C- "I bear it.. so they don't have to" I replied, a single tear streaming down my cheek.

B- " Where are you gonna go?"  Bellamy replied with desperation clinging to his words.

C-"I don't know" I replied, and the truth was.. I really didn't.

So with that, I pulled Bellamy in for a hug. Feeling him bury his face into my shoulder. I knew he would be alright without me. He was strong. He had to be.
He needed to be. Pulling away from the hug, I kissed him on the cheek. Lingering there for a few more seconds, a tear streamed down my face. As I pulled away, I wiped away the tears now racing their way down my face.

C- "May we Meet again"

And with that, I was gone. I walked away, without looking back. I had do this for my people. They needed a better leader than me. I wasn't good enough. Not after what I did.

Lexa's words lingered in my head
"I bear it so they don't have to"

maybe I'll do just that.

Authors Note:

Hey guys! I'm Sadie :)

I'm completely new to this whole writing thing but I love Clexa!
I'm trying to give a point of view for both characters after the events of mount weather before introducing the characters together. So Clarke and Lexa will be reunited in Chapter 3!

I will also try to make chapters longer as
well! Feel free to leave any pointers in the comments :)