More Than Surviving

Chapter 2

Lexa

The ride back to polis was long and boring. It gave me time to think. I regretted my decisions at mount weather. My decision to leave. To leave Clarke. Truth is, Clarke was.. is- the only person who has ever made me feel utterly and truly.. weak. Not weak in a physical way, but in a mental way. When I was with Clarke, I always felt the need to make her happy. I felt like my whole world needed to revolve around her. Hell, I'd kill 10'000 men if it meant I would get to be with her. But I can't.

Titus's words rang throughout my mind
" To be commander is to be alone"

I might not like it, but what Titus speaks of is true. I am to be alone if I am to be commander. That also
Meant putting aside my personal feelings for Clarke and making difficult decisions even when they might kill me inside and make me want to be weak and collapse on the ground and cry until my eyes have bled out of tears. I can't. I have to be strong. Love is weakness.

Or so I thought..

"Heda" Indra's stoic voice rang throughout my ears, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"We're here" she said sternly.

"Good, have one of the guards take the horses to the stables. And come with me to the throne room." I said in trigedasleng.

"Yes, Heda" she replied

I gracefully hopped off my horse and strutted my way to the throne room, giving soft nods to the people as I passed.

I entered the throne room, and sat on my throne. Indra followed closely behind and soon interrupted my newfound peace and quiet.

"Heda. One of the Ambassadors has requested your presence"

"Send him in" I reply with a sigh. A commanders duties are never done.

Soon after, a shorter man with a scar across his left cheek and an arch looking tattoo across his forehead enters the room. He had long hair with blue eyes. The same color as Clarke's. Only not as.. captivating.

"Speak" I said sternly. A cold look on my face.

" There is growing concern among the clans.. Heda.
Regarding the outcome of the Mauna?" He said timidly.

Truth is, I didn't know what to reply to this. I was still pushing aside what I had done at mount weather. I wasn't sure if Clarke had made it out alive or if she had even saved her people.

" All that matters is that our people were retrieved safely from that dreadful place and you no longer have to fear them" I replied

"And what of the sky people?"

" The sky people are no longer our concern."

The words stung as they left my mouth, I wasn't sure what else I was supposed to say. I did care about the sky people.. or rather, a certain blue- eyed sky girl with hair the color of the sun and skin so perf-
My thought were cut off by the sound of the ambassadors annoying voice.

"Heda?" He asked

" Leave Me" I stayed with a flick of my wrist, he was gone. And so were the guards and Indra.

I was finally alone.

I hadn't really coped with what I had done at the mountain. Truth is, I hadn't really even thought about it since it happened. It was just too painful. I never wanted to leave Clarke like that.. I just.. I had to take the deal. I could not show weakness in front of my people. The look on Clarke's face still in my head, it was stained in my mind. Every time I closed my eyes. I saw her. I pictured her Golden- yellow hair, her Crystal blue eyes, her perfect body, her soft pink lips and the kiss. That kiss we had shared before we went into battle. I had let my guard down, just that once. She made me feel different. Even costia hadn't made me feel like this. Clarke was different. And I let her down, I hurt her. I couldn't forgive myself for that.

Suddenly, I felt a wet drop falling down my cheek. Water. A tear? I was..crying? No.

I can't. I'm not weak. I hadn't cried since Costia.

Was I really this upset over Clarke?

Before I knew it, I felt even more tears streak down my face. They just kept coming. Eventually tears turned into quiet sobs, and I fell to my knees. I felt broken, utterly broken. This was the feeling I had when I found Costia's head at the foot of my bed. Actually .. this might have been worse.

I cared about Clarke. And she cared about me.. and I let her down.

She could even be dead for all I know.. and it's all my fault.

You know what... I need to find her. I need to make sure she's alright.

I picked myself up off the ground, wiped my tears. Fixed my war paint, hid away my emotions once again, and sat back Into my throne.

" Indra!" I yelled.

Indra came into the throne room 2 minutes later.

" Yes Heda?"

" I want you to send out a search party for Clarke Kom Skaikru in a week's time."

"Heda.. I-"

"Did I stutter?" I replied with a more stone cold voice than before.

"No, Heda. I just-"

"Did I ask for your approval, Indra?!" I raised my voice in response.

"No Heda, I apologize. I will organize it right away."

"You may leave."

Indra left

I'm coming for you Clarke, don't worry. I'll find you.

Author's note:

Hey guys!! So I hope you like the story so far.. I'm kinda struggling lol. But don't worry! I sense a clexa reunion.. 😉

How do you think Clarke is gonna react when she sees Lexa?

Don't worry Clarke! Momma Lexa is Comin'!! 🥰

-Sadie