More Than Surviving

Chapter 5

Clarke

A week after Clarke's arrival at polis

I wake up to the sunlight in my face, the cool spring breeze in my face and hair. I slowly outstretch my arms and rub my eyes, slowly fluttering them open to look at the sun. I very slowly sit up, remembering that I'm still not in the best condition. I've been here for about a week and I still haven't even seen Lexa. I told everyone that asked that I wished to not see her. The healers have taken care of my wounds.. ( much to my dismay.) to the best of their abilities. When I arrived, I was malnourished, tired, skinny, my feet had been skinned raw from walking so long after my shoes had holes in them, I had cuts, bruises and scars all over my face and body. Most the cuts and bruises had healed mostly but I was still sore and trying to gain back some weight. I had managed to get a small bath in during my time here, so my hair is back to its natural blonde color. I get out of bed and slowly put on some clothes that were left out for me, a Grey T-shirt and some black pants. I slowly put them on and comb out my hair a little so I look decent.

Looking in the mirror, I realize this is the first time I've really looked at myself. I can't help it, I start to think about the mountain.. and my mom. Everyone that I've hurt and left behind. God I'm a coward, aren't I?
My thoughts are interrupted by a loud creaking of my bedroom doors. To my suprise, in walks Lexa. My face immediately forms into a frown as I look at her with anger overwhelming me.

" what part of I won't see you, was unclear?" I say, annoyed.

"I've respected your wishes for a week, Clarke. But we've got bigger concerns." Lexa responds in a stoic tone.

"We don't have any concerns at all." I respond

"Yes, we do."

Lexa shifts a little closer to me, while looking me in the eyes, and for a second I almost thought I saw some emotion in her eyes. Maybe not..

"I'm hosting a summit for Skaikru at sundown. You'll be returned to your people."

Lexa shifts her eyes away from mine at the mention of me leaving.

"You went to all that trouble to capture me just to let me go?" I respond, suprised.

Lexa's gaze shifts back onto me once again.

"I went to all that trouble, to save you."-L

"You know when I could've used saving? When you abandoned me at mount weather."-C

"Clearly you didn't need my help."-L

"Clearly."-c

"You're angry Clarke, but I know you. What you did at the mountain haunts you. And it's easier to hate me than to hate yourself."-L

"Oh I can do both." -c

"What would you have done? If their people had offered you the deal? Save your people at the price of mine? Would you really have chosen differently?"-L

"I don't betray my friends!" -c

"But you did."
"You had friends in mount weather, people who helped you."-L

"Those deaths are on you too." -c

I take a few steps closer to Lexa, my face now inches away from hers.

" the only difference is, you had no honor and I had no choice."-c

Lexa's gaze falters for a second, as she steps back a few steps.

" it helps no one to dwell on the past. Your right, I'm not just letting you go back to your people. I want something more. I want your people to become my people."-L

I pause. what the hell does that mean? She can't be serious.

" I'm offering skaikru a change to join my coalition. To become the 13th clan. No one would dare mess with you, because an attack on you would be an attack on me."-L

" just leave me alone."
" i'm done. Do you understand that? I left."-c

" you can't run away from who you are, Clarke." -L

"Join me, Clarke." "Bow before me and you're people will be safe."-L

"Bow before you?"
"You don't give a damn about my people."

I take another step towards Lexa, making her back away a tiny bit. But she resumes her stance quickly.

"I know why you're here."
I pause for a few moments, thinking carefully about my next words.

" I made you look weak at mount weather.. and now the ice nation is exploiting that."

I step closer to Lexa, leading her to bump up against the door with a quiet thud as her hands immediately go to the back of the door. Her eyes search mine, and I can almost see sadness in her eyes.

" well. If you want the power of Wanheda, kill me.

take it.

Otherwise, go float yourself because I will never bow to you." - c

I finish those last words with pure anger as I look into her eyes, feeling so angry that my head feels like it could explode. My head is spinning. Lexa turns and leaves, a swish of her cape is the last sound I hear before she leaves the room and slams the door shut.
As she leaves, I angrily stomp over to the bathroom, feeling like I need to hit something. I ball my hand up into a fist and throw a serious right hook at the mirror. Leaving my hand bloody and a shard of glass sticking out of my knuckle, blood trickling out of the would.

I was so caught up in my emotions, I didn't even realize Lexa come back into the room.

Before I know it, I drop down on my knees. Feeling more broken than I've ever felt in my entire life. I put my head in my hands and sob, crying my eyes out. I don't even know exactly what I'm crying about anymore. There's a lot to cry about. I cradle my throbbing and bleeding knuckle in my non-injured hand and slowly moving to lean against a cabinet. Still crying. There's now blood all over me from my hand, but I didn't care. I sit my head back against the cabinet, closing my eyes and mumbling words like "I'm sorry." And "please make it stop" between mid sobs.

Suddenly, I feel strong, but feminine arms wrap around my small frame, and Lexa's warmth suffocate me like a pillow. Her scent of pine and flowers fills my lungs and it's the best feeling I've ever felt.

god I want her.

I look up at Lexa, her eyes searching mine as if looking for something that may or may not be there. Without thinking, I quickly go in for a kiss. Her lips engulf mine, our lips dancing together almost perfectly. She slowly pulls away from the kiss, leaning her forehead against mine, she slowly kisses each teardrop from my cheeks as they fall. I look up into her eyes and I can't help my self. The sobs start to come back.
"Make me feel something else, please" I whisper, desperation and sorrow filling my voice as it cracks mid sentence.

"Okay" Lexa replies, as her once again, soft lips meet mine and it intensifies, we both stand up and Lexa automatically breaks away the kiss, looking into my eyes one more time as if getting a one last consent as she slowly starts to undress me, taking off every last bit of clothing. I do the same for her, and I take in her beautiful body as she does with Me. Before I know it, she's kissing me again, more aggressively now, she pushes me up against the bed. Her hands traveling all over my body, feeling every single inch and nook. My hands wander down to her hips, then back up to her boobs and then hair. She pushes me back onto the bed and and we get under the covers, her warm body on top of mine, my hands pinned above my head, her hands gently wrapped in mine, her head is in my neck, leaving trails of kisses. I lean my head back and moan quietly as she keeps going and we go like this all night.

Authors note::

Welp.. this isn't how I was expecting this chapter to go down. But it was too perfect!! I got a little carried away.. heheh :)