Dear Ryan Diaz

Chapter 43: Confession

Julian's POV.
The past few days, we have been a family filled with love and joy. Christmas Eve had finally arrived, so it was time for all of us to open our presents and have the sweet happy tears that some people in here wouldn't be prepared for, but can't help themselves with their own emotions. We were all sitting on the ground by the Christmas tree, gathering together face to face in a horizontal line. Penny faced Mom, I faced Aunt Martina, and Michael and Sebastian we're facing each other. Everyone here bought gifts for each other. I gave both my Mom and Aunt Martina a Christmas sweater. I gave Penny new black, sparkling high heels. Sebastian got a cool new sunglasses. And I can't wait for Michael to open up his, which was now finally his turn that I am eager for because I am dying to know what his reaction is going to be.
Michael: What the- what is this?
Naughty boy got a coal for Christmas, so it made the others start cackling when Michael held it up.
Julian: Merry Christmas, cousin.
Michael: I'm gonna get you next time.
Michael: Mom, why did you make me get him a delightful present?! I wanted to do give this guy my sweaty socks that I haven't washed for ten years.
Penny: Ew, god.
Sofia: That's just nasty.
Martina: Well, I didn't know he would give you that.
Sofia: I told you to buy him at least something for him to use in college. Really, Julian?
Julian: I'm sorry mom, I just had to.
Sofia: Unbelievable.
Penny: Immature little beast.
Julian: Hey!
Michael: Good one, cuz.
Michael let out a fist bump for Penny to softly punch and she did. Man, these two. I'm glad they're getting closer, but must they always tease me? Jeez.
*Back to Imar + her POV.
The past few days I have been filled with a focused mind and I had to concentrate on my work. Now I am finally ready to give the information to the anonymous person that he/she desperately needed. I actually managed to figure out the rest of the guys. Samuel Carson, Toby Anderson, Angelo Martin, and Jacob Hernandez. The four boys that were listed as possible suspects for Ryan's death. I solved every single pieces in just short amount of days and now I am fully prepared to hand these files that are labeled from each different guys with worksheets in them. I have answers to all the questions of how I got this information, but for right now I'll save them for later just only for the anonymous person. I left my place and started driving to his/her own lair. Once I've made it there, I went to this person's office and knocked on the door. I noticed the door had a little crack, so it was already opened. I just went inside without permission.
"Imar. You're here."
"Do you have everything that I need?"
Imar: Yep, I literally worked hard on my ass for this. It took a lot of struggles to get everything I needed, but I finally did it.
"I can tell, you look like you haven't slept in years."
Imar: Well, who's fault is that?
"Watch your tone. Hand me the files."
Imar: There names are labeled here. I put them for you and this is exactly the secret information that you wanted.
"How did you find out so easily?"
Imar: You know Jonah Cruz?
"Yes, what about him?"
Imar: Before Patricia died, she had a private conversation with him and she gave out the suspect names to him.
Imar: There was a camera in the interrogation room and I managed to hack through it, without sending a virus or an alert to the police.
Imar: Jacob was the last person for me to work on, so I decided to focus on the first three guys.
Imar: Toby and Samuel are involved in a fight club, so Ryan was with them and that's how they met.
Imar: Ryan and Angelo didn't have much history together, the only thing they did was have some drugs and stuff.
Imar: Which is pretty weird with how Patricia would include him as a suspect, but maybe there's more to the story than we expected.
Imar: For Jacob, I found all that out from Kathy yesterday.
Imar: I didn't want her to get curious or think that I'm being inquisitive, so I kind of just had a normal conversation with her like a friend.
Imar: I asked her about Ryan and Jacob, so she just answered and gave an explanation about how their friendship was like and then how it ended.
Imar: She told me that someone told her about how they stopped hanging out.
"Did you happen to meet these three guys?"
Imar: Yeah, I talked to them in person.
Imar: I convinced them that I mean no harm to them, so they had a little faith in me.
"Don't go anywhere. Stay here and let me read through these real quick, okay?"
Imar: Sure.
I sat on an oxford, black leather sofa that was right next to the door. I was patiently waiting for this person to be done with reading through the papers of every suspects description with Ryan. The skull masked person was finally done reading after about ten minutes I would have to say and then he/she walked towards me with their arms crossed. I still remained waiting for his response on what this unknown bastard was going to say next.
"Good job, Imar. I didn't expect you to be that intelligent."
Imar: Tell me something I don't know.
"Don't get all your hopes up, though. I'm still smarter than you."
Imar: So I've heard.
"Anyways, you wanna know why I asked you to stay here?"
Imar: Yes, yes I do.
"It's because when I read through these, I had a feeling that these guys are not very fond of Ryan."
"And I was right. Completely right this whole time."
"So now I have a feeling that once we get these guys, we might be able to come up with a perfect plan on how to throw a destructive, yet powerful war against Carter and her friends."
"But obviously I can't do that right now, given that we don't have that much answers to our questions."
"So thank you Imar, for all of this. I'm glad you worked hard on this."
Imar: Your welcome, I guess.
"Now please leave. Have a good Christmas Eve."
Imar: I would say you too, but I hate you.
Imar: Bye, see you when I'm done spying on Carter.
"You better."
*Back to Julian + his POV.
Penny: Merry Christmas!
Julian: Ugh. Penny, it's so early.
Penny: Ho ho ho, the bells are ringing, bitch.
Julian: You're insufferable.
Penny: And you're filled with such disgusting enthusiasm that taste like shit.
Julian: Great insults, Penny.
Penny: What'd you expect from a women like me, brother?
Penny: Now get out of bed!
Penny dragged me down as she pulled my arm. I began groaning.
Julian: Ow!
Penny: Sorry, not sorry.
Penny: Mom made breakfast, now get out of bed.
Julian: Fine.
I stood up from the ground I was laying on and started to walk towards the kitchen, excited to eat breakfast. After I was finished, the day had went on. We were just getting ready for the party Mr. Diaz threw for us. I just decided to wear a tailored, blue jacket with a red t shirt and dark blue jeans. I was honestly so excited for this party, but it's not just Christmas. It's also Jacob's birthday that I am happy to celebrate as well. There was also another thing I was excited about, mostly it was for Carter. I bought her a present that I think is very meaningful and I just hope that it will be meaningful for her as well. The family left the house and we finally made it to Carter's home. Mr. Diaz was the one who opened the door for us and welcomed us in. I introduced my family to him, so that he could know their names and who they are.
Steven: Hello, it's nice to see you guys. Thanks for coming.
Michael: Whoa! This place is-
Penny: Sick?
Michael: Hell yes.
Sebastian: Julian, you didn't tell us your girlfriend's daddy was a rich dude!
Julian: She's not my- ugh whatever.
Jacob: Julian! Man, you ca- no! Oh god no!
Jacob's excited expression got removed from his face when he saw Michael again, hoping not to see him again, but little did he know that he would be wrong about that. Michael waved at him with an evil smirk on his face.
Jacob: You wipe off that smirk, you potato son of a bitch!
Michael: Happy Birthday, by the way.
Penny: We wish you the best, man.
Jacob: Aww, thanks Penny.
Jacob: But no thanks to you, potato!
Sebastian: Happy Birthday, bun dude.
Jacob: Thanks, little one.
Michael: Man, I knew you'd continue to be insatiable.
Jacob: I don't know what that means, but I'm gonna pretend like I'm smart and that I am offended by that word!
Isabella: Happy Birthday, brother.
Jacob: Izzy, you said that like three times today.
Isabella: I did?
Jacob: Yep.
Carter: Hey, Julian.
Carter: Whoa, your cousins are here?
Michael: Carter Diaz.
Sebastian: Nice to see you again.
Tia: Nice to see you boys again too.
Kathy: Who are these guys?
Julian: Oh! You guys, you never got a chance to meet this girl.
Julian: Her name is Kathy Griffin.
Michael: Sup.
Sebastian: Hey beautiful.
Julian: Kathy, this is Michael and Sebastian Klein. My brothers.
Kathy: Oh, nice to meet you both.
Robert: Whoa, what the-
Barry: Michael?
Robert: Hey specimen.
Michael: Uhh... hello.
Ivan: Does everyone here know him? Because I'm the only one who doesn't.
Jacob: Lucky you.
Michael: Michael Klein.
Ivan: Ivan Davis. I'm Julian's friend.
Michael: Ew, how? You look like a cool dude, while he looks like a trash bag.
Julian: Hey!
Michael: No offense.
Julian: I'm starting to think that doesn't help with my sober feelings.
Penny: Ugh, I'm done listening to you boys bicker like babies. Tia, do you want a drink?
Tia: Sure.
Kathy: I'll come with you both.
Julian: Carter, is it okay if I can talk to you outside for a sec?
Carter: Sure.
Michael: Ooh, Julian is about to kiss his girlfriend.
Julian: Shut up, man.
I opened the door for Carter to let her go first. I followed right behind her and then I shut the door. The Christmas bag that I was holding was filled with presents for my friends and I started to look for the one that I was planning to give for Carter. I finally took it out and it was a pop-up matt present gift that was a rectangular, sized shape. I pleasantly handed it to Carter.
Julian: I couldn't wait.
She looked up at me with a concerned expression on her face then looked back to the present, wondering what I got her. Her expression was filled with conjecture theories of what was inside that gift. She decided to stop wondering and check what's inside as she calmly grabbed it. Once she opened it, I couldn't tell how or what she was feeling.
Julian: Do you like it? Is it that bad?
Julian: Oh my, you don't like it, do you?
Carter: No, no, no, I never said that. It's just... why did you give this to me?
Her eyes were so focused on the dark, black diary that was filled with nothing written on any of the pages. I wanted that book to only be hers, so that way she could maybe write something in there that are considered as personal thoughts for her and when she reads them, it'll make her feel better for the way she wrote. Especially to even keep meaningful memories.
Julian: Well, Tia did tell me that you do love writing and you wanted to become an author.
Julian: Plus I know that you're the type of person that would like to write something private, so I figured maybe a diary would be good for you.
Julian: You told me that you don't have one, so I planned on buying you one.
Carter: I mean, this is really great, Julian. I love it. Thank you.
Julian: No problem.
Julian: And hey... I know this might sound strange, but instead of starting off with the cliche words "dear diary" you can probably just do something different.
Carter: Like what?
Julian: Like... oh, I know.
Carter: What?
Julian: Dear Ryan Diaz.
Carter: Dear Ryan Diaz?
Julian: Is that too much?
Carter: No, not at all. I actually like it.
Julian: Really?
Carter: Definitely. Good suggestion, I'll keep that in mind.
Julian: Alrighty then.
Julian: Merry Christmas, Carter.
Carter: Merry Christmas, Julian.
Julian: Hug?
I reached my arms out, waiting for her to hug me. She took a deep breath, not certain enough if she just wanted only a hug. She came closer to me, made a little tiptoe stand, cupped her hand on my left cheek and then kissed the other side of my cheek. I couldn't help, but feel my cheeks turning red like a little fool.
Julian: What was that for?
Carter: For being the best.
Jacob: Aww!
Julian: Oh, my god!
Carter: Jesus Christ!
Julian: What the- Jacob?!
Carter: How long have you been standing by my door?
Julian: Yeah, I didn't even hear anything, not even a single crack.
Jacob: I've been standing here the whole time. And note to self lovebirds, I'm good at sneaking.
Jacob: Nothing can fear me.
Michael: Guys!
Jacob shrieked like a little five year old girl as he got startled when Michael sneaked up behind his back.
Michael: Everyone wants you guys back in here. You're gonna stand here out in the cold or what? Let's go!
Michael: By the way, what the hell was that, birthday boy?
Jacob: That wasn't me. It was Julian.
Julian: Dude.
Carter giggled by Jacob's joke. We all went back inside and had a nice time. Great conversations, having a few drinks. And by drinks, I mean that kids and teenagers only get to have either water, soda, or juice. The parents get the better drinks that we wanted, but weren't allowed to have. Bummer, I know, but that's the rule. Steven honestly didn't care what we would as long as we don't throw up. If we do, then we'll get screwed.
Michael: Wait a second, you play a guitar?
Ivan: Yep.
Michael: Are you thinking of joining a band or something?
Ivan: Well, honestly being famous isn't exactly what I'm aiming to be in the future.
Ivan: I just play guitars for fun.
Michael: And you wanna become a cop, Cruz?
Barry: Mhm.
Michael: Carter wants to become an author, Tia hopes to become a stripper even though people don't want her to for some reason, Robert wants to be a math teacher, and Julian is going to take over the Hart's Company for his Dad?
Everyone here nodded their heads except for Penny and Jacob.
Michael: What about you, Penny?
Penny: Not sure yet.
Michael: That's alright. Jacob?
Jacob: I don't know either.
Michael: Hm, that's bad.
Michael: Man, I wish we can have alcohol here, but my Mom won't let me because apparently she sees me as a "young little boy."
Jacob: You do look like one.
Michael: Oh, I'm sorry, correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you the one that wears animal pajamas?
Jacob: Animal pajamas are the best!
Michael: And didn't you cry like a baby when you first got detention in seventh grade?
Jacob: What the- how do you know about that?
Michael: Barry here told me.
Jacob: Barry!
Barry: Sorry dude, I had to.
Jacob: You freaking little-
Carter: Okay, then! I'm gonna go get myself another cup of water, just to stay away from this misery.
Tia: I'll come with you.
Kathy: Penny, wanna go hang with me in the living room?
Penny: Sure.
Julian: Ivan, I need to talk to you for one second.
Robert: I need to use the bathroom.
*Barry's speech bubbles: I need to talk to him. I feel bad for what I said.
Jacob: So I guess it just leaves down to you and me now, huh?
Michael: Ugh, hell no. I'm gonna go join with Kathy and Penny.
Jacob: Damn okay, I guess it's just me now... all alone. Is this what sadness feels like?
Jacob: Oh, who am I kidding? I'm always sad.
Barry's POV.
I followed right behind Robert, trying to catch up to him. I realized that he wasn't going to the bathroom. He was just gonna go upstairs in the hallway just to be alone for a second. He started to use his phone, so he could check some quick few things.
Barry: Robert.
He tilted his to the left when he noticed my voice. Began to turn off his phone and then turned around to look at me in eye contact.
Robert: What?
Barry: I'm...
Barry: I'm sorry.
Robert: You're sorry?
He said with a low-toned voice attitude.
Barry: Yes, I really am. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
Robert: But you did and you can't change that.
Barry: That's true, I can't.
Barry: But I think that what I'm about to say is gonna make you feel ten times more better.
He observed my face expression, questioning himself in his own brain with what I was talking about.
Barry: You were right.
Barry: I lied.
Barry: I didn't mean what I said. You were right about everything.
Barry: I love Kathy, but I don't love her the way she loves me.
Barry: I've known this for a while because I felt it in my own heart, but I didn't wanna say anything. I decided to keep my mouth shut.
Barry: Because I thought that the more I spend time with her, I'll start changing my mind.
Barry: Everyone thinks differently, but I never told anyone this, not even Kathy because it's hard for me to break people's hearts. I don't want Kathy to feel like her heart is broken into a million pieces and doesn't know which path to follow.
Robert: Wise words.
Robert: Especially when you cheated on her with me.
Barry: In my defense Robert, we both did something wrong here.
Barry: Yes, I cheated on Kathy, but you know that I am dating her and yet you kissed me back.
Robert: I was lost in thoughts.
Barry: But still. It doesn't change the fact. That was on you too, Robert. You had a chance to either pull away or to kiss me back.
Barry: And you chose the second option.
Robert: What are you trying to do here, motherfucker? Guilt trip me?
I chuckled.
Barry: Motherfucker. You haven't said that in a while. I kind of missed that nickname for some reason.
Barry: But back to the subject, no I am not trying to make you feel guilty.
Barry: I just wanted to clarify you that we both did the wrong thing, but maybe...
Robert: Maybe?
Barry: Maybe it was worth it.
Robert: I thought you said it was a mistake.
Barry: There's a difference between saying something than how you really feel in your heart, Blackwood.
I walked towards him and gently tightened his wrists with my hands, showing integrity. The worst habit that I have is saying or doing something that I suppose is wrong and later on feel regret. My brain told me to tell Robert that the moment we spent together was nothing special, but my heart never did. I knew deep down that I was catching feelings, but I couldn't bring myself to admit the truth. I don't even know what I'm supposed to feel. Are these feelings wrong to have something like this? The connection between me and Robert is so complicated. No words can express with how I truly felt. Instead of us talking, we both closed the gap between our lips to cut the awkward silence. Every time when I kiss him I feel like the clock freezes. I slowly inhale his breaths inside, feeling him. What we had was truly real. It wasn't one of those fiction fantasy books. I hope to just have my feelings to be put in hold and to never put an end to this significance.
Ivan: Jesus, where's the dang bathroom?
Ivan: Oh, my god!
Ivan: What the hell is going on here?!
*Back to Carter + her POV.
Tia: Wow, he got you a diary, huh?
Tia: What else did that boy give you?
Carter: Uhh... nothing else, why?
Tia: Not even a one on one action, babe?
She talked in a total exceedingly flirtatious voice.
Carter: Tia! What the hell? No, he just gave me this and I hugged him. That's all.
Tia: It's honestly okay if you have feelings for him.
Carter: Tia, I don't-
I exhaled, trying to think of what I'm supposed to say for the rest of my sentence, but I couldn't think of one.
Tia: You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.
Tia: But just so you know... I've never seen you have something like this before.
Tia: You always said you just wanted to be single forever and that love is just a fairytale story, but it seems like you kind of changed your mind when Julian came.
Tia: You two seem to have a special bond.
Tia: It's okay to have these little feelings that may sound like a "stupid boy crush" story, but that doesn't necessarily mean it can't be special.
Tia: You don't have to hide your feelings and feel ashamed of admitting them.
Tia: So if I were you and if I was in your position, I would just go for it.
Tia: You two already trust each other anyways.
Carter: And how exactly do you know so much about these things, Tia?
Tia: What do you mean?
Carter: I mean, you've never been in love, right?
Tia: Uh, yeah right.
Carter: And you're kind of talking about feelings with me, so how do you know so much if you've never been in love?
Tia: I guess I just... have a small feeling.
Tia: You know, cause like I've heard stories about my parents first love and with Kathy and Barry. I also witness most relationships.
Tia: I focus on the healthy ones. Sometimes I just wish that in life... I get to be loved in a healthy way.
*Tia's speech bubbles: But me and Ryan were toxic in some ways.
The outside of my face shows that I'm being respectful to hear whatever comes out of her mouth and that I'm just being normal about this, but on the inside, I felt so impatient and frustrated. Why can't she just tell me already? Ever since I found out about her and my brother, I just want nothing, but a confession from her. I want her honesty and for her to just be loyal. Is our friendship really not worth it to her? Does she not trust me in the way that I've been trusting her for years? I just don't understand. My anger may be a part of a displeasure feeling, but I can't control that no mater how hard I try. It's just who I am. I get irritated whenever I feel it for a purpose. It might sound annoying to most certain people, but that's who I am. And as human beings, there are annoying traits about us that we can't handle.
Carter: Come on, I'm sure you've been loved in a healthy way. There's no need for you to lie about that.
Tia: No, that's not what I meant. When I said love I meant in love, not the family kind of love.
*Carter's speech bubbles: She's really pushing my buttons here.
Carter: You've always been so focused on my feelings. Is there anything you wanna tell me? You know like, what's going on with you and stuff?
Tia: Nothing much. I mean, me and Jacob have gotten closer.
Tia: We became friends.
Carter: Do you like him?
Tia: Well, no I... um I mean...
Tia: I don't know, it's just that I think it'll be kind of weird for me to start gaining feelings.
Carter: Again?
Tia: Wait, what? What do you mean by again?
*Carter's speech bubbles: Shit, I wasn't supposed to say that out loud!
Carter: Forget it.
Tia: Carter, you're being really weird. Why are you questioning about these love things with me?
Carter: Just drop it, forget what I said. I have absolutely no idea where it came from.
Tia: But you sound very strange and I'm just curious.
Tia: You know I hate asking myself questions.
Carter: So it's easier if I don't get my concerns answered!?
Tia: The hell? No, I never said that.
Carter: Why do you always have to be like this, Tia?!
Tia: Be like what? I don't get why you're yelling, calm down.
Carter: You make things easier for yourself in order to make them harder for me!
People started coming in the kitchen and looked at us in confusion with why I yelled at Tia, but right now I wasn't focusing on that. I was too angry to even focus on the others.
Tia: Carter, that isn't true. You're my best friend, I would never torture you.
Carter: You would never torture me?! Really, Tia?
Tia: Yes, really.
Carter: If you would never torture me, then why the hell didn't you tell me that you and Ryan dated?!
*Julian's speech bubbles: Oh shit!
*Steven's speech bubbles: I'm too drunk to handle this. I think I'm gonna pass out.
*Michael's speech bubbles: Ooh, drama.
*Kathy's speech bubbles: Oh no, this is gonna end up bad.
*Jacob's speech bubbles: No, no, no, no!
Tia wasn't able to respond back. She had her mouth a bit opened and her eyes became comprehensive in incredulity. She wanted to doubt that I asked that question, but she knew that it was time to face reality. I knew for a while now and she's now hearing this from me. If she can't manage to confess, then I have no problem to just let it out. Her mind must've been an electric shock and her heart beat must've slowed down from panic. Her eyes focused on mine, but she still remained being unsure of what her next sentence should even be. I continued to glare at her in disappointment and to show her my annoyance with how long I had to wait. It was about damn time for her to confirm, but I decided to just wait until she started to feel that she could speak again. Sometimes in life you just gotta pay attention to what people say out of their mouths than to what they've been dying and meaning to tell you.

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