The Loneliest Stars

Chapter 16

Some nights he couldn't sleep. It was usually when he was overtired, and couldn't regulate his thoughts anymore. Thoughts fired in every direction and touched on memories he'd buried a long time ago; the magical moment his brain switched off eluding him completely.

During the term, Gabe was always an early riser and so it became a countdown against the dawn as he stared at the ceiling in the darkened room. Times like these, he missed being in the Marines. One vital Marine Corps rule had always been to sleep whenever and wherever you could.

He used to be able to sleep through anything and sleep after everything. Civilian life had spoilt him a bit. He missed being so exhausted your brain had no choice but to shut down.

Around four am, Gabe gave up on sleep and got up for a run. He hadn't been on one for a while, the adrenaline and the chilly early morning wind would rejuvenate him where sleep couldn't.

His early morning thoughts of the military had been bittersweet. He missed the easy camaraderie, the brotherhood and the sense of noble pursuit and purpose.

He had some semblance of that now of course, but the picture got muddy sometimes. At times he felt like he was the only one striving to make the team better and actually believed the team were capable of playing good football.

If it had been his choice, he wouldn't have left the service when he did. His term had been coming to an end and he had been on the fence. Him and his wife, Alice fought constantly about it. She wanted to start a family and he wanted to do one more term before he left for good. His rationale was that she knew what she was signing up for when they had met and subsequently got married.

Much of their courting relationship had been long distance; being as equally stubborn as they were in love, they had kept in touch and the flames of romance burned brightly despite the distance. Alice took letter writing seriously, and her humorous take on life through her letters never failed to put a smile on his face when his heart was full of missing home and missing her.

Gabe had been offered a training post in Florida which he gladly took, it meant that he could be closer to Alice. He proposed when he'd been home for just six months and they got married after a short but eventful engagement.

They got married in a small town hall ceremony; neither of them were particularly close to their families. Gabe had no siblings and Alice had just Ella, who had been one of the witnesses along with his best friend and colleague, Josh.

Much to her chagrin, Gabe being a Marine had been needed abroad for a short stint in Iraq at the height of the ISIS insurgency. He was excited to go and be at the heart of the action again. Staying back had felt like a cop-out, when the military had spent years and countless resources in training him to be a ruthless cog in their machine.

Alice's anger had gone stratospheric when he first shared news of his assignment and they didn't speak properly for weeks. He missed her even when he was with her. Her distance became emotional as well as physical. Every interaction they had was tinged with hostility.

He still remembered the tears, her pleas for him to stay, he would be a liar if he said it didn't affect him. It was one of the last images of her seared like a microfiche into his brain. He promised her that the tour would be his last, he would serve out the obligatory months left of his commitment and quit the service. His promises meant nothing. He left with them still on bad terms.

For Gabe it had been easy to pretend nothing was happening in his marriage and to postpone that conversation, he was used to compartmentalising everything. He went out on missions, not knowing what dangers lurked around each corner and he focused on taking each day and night as they came. Alice would come around, she always did.