I miss it all

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I miss the simple times of I like you's.
Cause we knew I love you was something serious.
Not to be said without the backing of fierce emotion ,
and not to be taken for granted.

I miss those feelings, the fluttering in your belly.
That feeling of air rising on your chest.
The slight discomfort of losing your breath.

I miss feeling your hands against mine.
And hugging you in the dark when you were scared of the monsters that hid within you.
I miss loving you!

By that I mean loving you for real. With pure white love. Without this anger lurking behind like a dark shadow.
I miss before you hurt me for the first time.
And before I let you do it again and again. I guess I couldn't leave. Not without you. I didn't want a life like that. Not even if this pain cost me everything.

Yes ,yes I still love you. But I live in fear that one day my soul would have had enough. That even though I say I forgive you time and time again,
that I haven't. That maybe those shadows lurking behind will become a haunting reality. I don't want to be here loving you on the verge of hate. But nothing can take me back to before. Because I think I forgave but I couldn't forget.

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