Raindrops.

Chapter 1 - Josh

He stared into the mirror. That endless gaze consumed all his ability to display emotion. That's exactly what he'd become. Emotionless. Ever since the incident, he'd felt nothing. He was numb, he needed an escape, a way for him to forget about everything bad in his life and, at least try to focus on something positive, not that he ever could manage to. He spent months on end looking for an escape through various hobbies. He'd tried drawing, writing, reading; even sports. He'd tried everything imaginable until he finally found his escapes, his form of release... among razor blades and tears. That was the only way for him to feel anymore - to hurt or to hurt others, but he'd done enough of that already. That was why the incident had happened in the first place, because he didn't care. If only he would've showed them how much he cared, how much he loved and cherished them, how important and worthy they were, then maybe it wouldn't have happened so soon...

He never had cared much for anyone but himself though. It was hard to when all people ever did was break his heart or abandon him.

Every day was a new test, but of the same kind. A test of strength, a test of emotional capability, a test of willpower. A test of whether he had the guts to end it all. Or even better, whether he had the guts to live with it, to cope. Not only was each day a new test, but a repeating cycle - every day almost the same, with slight changes of course - each day became even worse than the one before.

He saw no way out of the gradually increasing and ever-lasting darkness.

He fell backward onto his bed, the only comforting thing he had left in his life. As his flaming red and shiny hair fell behind him, he stared intently at the ceiling. If he just lay there and did nothing, wouldn't that make this day better than the last? But he couldn't, he knew he couldn't - he would eventually have to get up, for school? to eat? to drink? He wouldn't be able to live just staring at the ceiling...because soon enough, he'd die. He glared for a few more minutes before sluggishly getting up and going downstairs. He was greeted by the usual 'Good Morning' and the evermore common 'How did you sleep? Well?' Neither of which his coarse and deep voice could  respond to, so he just carried on, slowly trailing toward the kitchen to make something which could probably only be considered a breakfast due to the time it was eaten. He grabbed a handful of raisins, hardly sufficient, and walked out the door. He didn't even like raisins, he never had. Then again, he didn't really enjoy eating either. He discarded the handful into a nearby bush - surely some sort of creature, a squirrel or a field mouse would enjoy it more than he ever could...

Everyone carried on as normal, like they always did, then again, this was what was normal to them now. He began the treacherous, bland and gradual walk to school. He did this everyday, he should be able to get quicker at this now he isn't getting lost as much but it still takes him just as long. Perhaps he's just more unmotivated now. No, he's definitely more unmotivated.

'If only that incident hadn't have happened.' He thought to himself. 'What would everything be like now? Of course it would be different but what would it really be like?'

As he dawdled past the school gates despite being told several times to hurry up or he'd be late, someone pulled him aside. It was one of his teachers. He never really payed attention to their names, just their faces. He never really spoke much in lessons anyway and he was too afraid to ask for help just in case he looked stupid, no, because he would look stupid, so he didn't have much use for their names because he never used them.

"Josh, are you okay?" she asked
"Yeah...? Of course I'm okay, what do you mean?" he replied nervously

He didn't like social situations, especially the ones where people questioned him.

"Oh...okay...as long as you're sure Josh. I've just heard about what happened, with... you know... it was so unexpected and so... tragic. I just wondered if anything that you need help with around that or if you needed anyone to talk to? You know Josh, I'll always be here..." she pried
"I said I'm okay" he snapped, he hated people having sympathy for him over things like that, people pretending they're so caring and thoughtful when in actual fact, they'd never given a shit before, so why should they now? Maybe if they did care before, maybe things like this wouldn't happen to such amazing people... "What don't you get about that?" He continued.

There were a few seconds of awkward and unexpected silence while the teacher stood there in shock - not expecting his retaliation - before Josh stormed off into the building leaving the teacher calling after him:

"If you need me..."
"Josh...?"
"Please come back... I just want to help you..."
"...J-Josh......?"

 When she realised she wouldn't be able to reach him, she gave up and went inside...