You held him so tight, that you didn't notice how hard you rammed your fingernails into his back.
Both of you couldn't help yourselves but burst into tears, again.
The pain in your heart, it was nearly gone but still so heavy.
You held him, you r...
You just woke up, even though you couldn't really sleep that night, your after concert depression had already started yesterday. You just wanted back, you wanted to see them again, these were the people who meant the most to you, they gave you so much through their music, they saved your life with their songs. When you found them on youtube, you weren't doing well at all. You just wanted to die during this time but they made you not doing it because you finally found something to live for. You liked some groups before but you never stanned someone as much as them.
Although you were about to cry and had no motivation at all you had to get up now, your job started at 12:30 pm. You had a photoshooting for a small brand, you worked as a model but no one really knew you. It was your dream to become famous and shoot for big brands. You put on some light and natural make up, after you ate breakfast. Then you got dressed up in a white tee and a boyfriend jeans, just like the company said, you got into your car and went to the shooting. It was a advertisement shoot for a skin care product, you also tried it before and it wasn't the best but it worked, so you really wanted to work for this brand. On your way there you listened to Ateez' songs and all the memories of yesterday popped up in your head as if you wouldn't think about it anyways since you woke up. You hoped they'd do another concert sometime, it was awful missing them like this.
All people there were busy doing their thing or having small meetings. The stylists gave you a white tight dress to wear, they also changed your make up; they put white eye-liner and natural lipstick, to make you look more „clean" as they like to call it. Most of them were friendly and the photographer seemed to be nice too at first, but he wasn't satisfied with your performance and started being really rude. He tried holding back his anger and you tried follow his instructions as much as you could but he just wasn't pleased. Then he started insulting you so much that it came across as if you had no potential in this job. You never experienced someone yelling at you for nothing. You were at the edge of crying, you just felt like everything you did was wrong and the after concert depression didn't help at all.
"Why does no one say anything like this is not fair" you wondered because not a single employee stopped him from treating you like trash.
You had to fight your tears so bad, you couldn't just start crying, this was the only job you got this month, you had to get money somehow. Suddenly you turned away from the camera really quick, to whipe your tears away and to take a deep breath. You told yourself that everything will be fine.
The Photographer looked like he'd loose his shit now and started screaming: „TURN AROUND NOW Y/N COME ON PLEASE WE DON'T HAVE SO MUCH TIME, CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?"
You smiled at him and apologized for your behavior even though you just wanted to punch him into his ugly face. You continued with the shoot, you gave your best, like always and acted as if nothing happened. He still wasn't satisfied but now you didn't give a shit about what he thought.
Later in your car you bursted into tears, you started punching the wheel making it honk. If you wouldn't have been sad before, you probably wouldn't be as mad and disappointed in yourself, everything coming together was too much to handle for you. It was so painful, you screamed like a psychopath, you found it so unfair that this photographer judged you because of the smallest things. Usually they love you but he was a dick, he even criticized your appearance, as if you could change how you were born.
In that same moment someone texted you on snapchat, it was this Jimin guy from yesterday, so you checked what he said:
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It kind of made your day a bit happier, you felt like he cared about your well being, though you knew each other for a day. It didn't feel right leaving him on read or pushing him away like that but you needed time for yourself now, you needed to calm down.
You took a bath when you came home and texted the groupchat with your friends. Now you could tell someone what happened, Jimin wasn't as close to tell him about it. Of course they told you not to worry about it, they really tried their best and they even made you laugh because of their dumb jokes. Nevertheless, you went to bed early this night, it was only 10pm when you laid down, you were so done.
"Maybe I can finally catch some sleep this night" you hoped.
After an hour you were finally able to fall asleep, but not as long as you thought.
