"Don't deny it Air, I know you know it, I know you know its supposed to be me and you" He sat crossed legs, facing me, trying to get my attention. I ignored him and continued to clutch my legs close to my body and rock back and forth, cringing at my nickname for him, he used to call me air when he was alive, he'd never let anyone hear him say that though because he wanted to come across as the tough guy.
The last thing I remember was holding Harry's hand in the scanner, then he appeared, from no where. He lay on top of me, pinned my wrists above my head. I tried to fight him off but he wouldn't budge. Then the two men in white came and held me down before injecting me with something, then everything went black.
Harry must hate me, I remember telling him to go away when I first woke up in the hospital, as anger and pain flooded him, his pupils dilated and his eyes turned black and he fled from the room before he could say another word. I hated hurting him like that but it was as if I wasn't really me, like I was stood in the corner watching everything happen and I had no control over my actions, Now I have no way of apologizing. The doctors wouldn't let him see me and even if they did, Josh would just do something.
"I will get you to listen to me you know, I have all the time in the world" He laughed at the last line, obviously thinking he was some kind of joker. "Come on babe, it's so much better over here. No pain, no hurt, just pure and if I had you with me I know everything would be amazing" He lent forwards and tried to stroke my face but I turned my head so he missed.
"Come on. Do it" He whispered softly.
"How do you expect me to do it? How can I be with you? Your not even real, your just my conscience, Just go away!" I stood up and screamed at him.
"Of course I'm real babe, and it's easy. you just have to... die" He said calmly, raising up from the floor and walking towards me.
"How?" I snapped, hugging my arms tightly.
"Kill yourself" He kept his calm the whole time, he was almost as gentle and as loving as he was when he was alive.
I do miss him. The way he'd hold me when we went to sleep, the little play fights we'd have when we woke up. But I have Harry. Or do I? I mean I've probably ruined our relationship and there's always going to be the ghosts of our pasts haunting us, excuse the pun.
Everything was so much more simpler with Josh, maybe I am better off dead.
I thought about it for a long while before Josh interrupted, "Well?" He walked closer to me and I could almost feel his breath on my neck.
"How do you want me to do it?" I mumbled. There's no need for me to be here, I'm just a waste of space and oxygen, I'm fucked up and I fuck up everyone else I meet.
"Break the glass on the window on the door" He whispered into my ear and pointed to the chair across the room. I glanced at it then to the window. Harry was there, watching me, pain in his eyes. He looked like he'd been crying. Maybe he did still love me.
"He doesn't, he's just waiting, watching you waste away" Josh replied, could he read my mind?
"Trust me babe, the sooner you do it, the sooner I can actually hold you" He whispered again.
Rage filled my body from head to toe as I maintained eye contact with Harry. He kept completely still, almost statue like before flicking his hair from his eyes.
"Come on, Do it! Kill yourself!" He raised his voice slightly, chanting me on.
"Fine! If that's the only way to get rid of you then fine!" I screamed and stomped towards the chair. I picked it up and threw it towards the door as Harry shouted at me, telling me to stop.
The glass shattered into tiny pieces. I grabbed an exceptionally large piece that had landed near my foot.
I brought it up to my throat. I began shaking and crying as Harry fought to break the door down. He began crying too.
"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry" I sobbed and pressed the glass tightly to my throat and moved my arm quickly.
Everything started spinning as I dropped to the floor. It was impossible to breathe. Then everything went black.
