Damaged

Sixteen

Arnold leads me into the dimly lit room with a careful fondness that makes my breath catch in my chest as the attendant closes the door behind us after handing him a tablet.

Instead of guiding me over to the shower stall, we end up settling into one of the comfortable chairs set up in one of the corners, me on his lap again with his hand ever-busy stroking my side... So affectionate is my Papi...

"We have to fill out some forms for your treatments today, alright?" Instead of handing me the tablet to get started Arnold urges me to relax into him while he holds it up so he can see it without breaking our cuddle, the fraction plaguing my side coming to an end with a delicate squeeze and a smile before his hand starts to type, filling in what he already knows and getting pretty far thanks to our long lunch conversation before he has to slow to a stop... The form that trips him up being one about current medical issues and health conditions.

...
Arnold
....

Peri catches my hesitation, unsure of where to start or even really begin to figure out how to approach the delicate subject of what exactly all of his medical conditions are... The true state of his current health... If his seizure this morning hadn't happened on my very own lap this morning I would have never given thought to the fact that he has conditions other than those that are visible lurking just under his surface.

My Princess makes it easy for me, tugging the tablet out of my hands and taking it upon himself to fill in the form without hesitation... Only a small smile and a cute kiss to my cheek before he finishes the last of the form and initials where he needs to giving consent for the massage therapist to touch him.

Normally I wouldn't dream of letting anyone else lather up someone I'm seeing before I've had the chance to explore on my own... I wouldn't have brought them here to one of my personal safes havens, to begin with. At least not unless it was something serious happening between us... But as my cutie finishes up and shoves the tablet onto the armrest of the chair in order to snuggle himself into me I can't help but wonder if anything started with my gorgeous boy could ever be anything less than serious.

Everything about him screams at me to dote on him and offer as much comfort as I can, if only so that he can relax into that mysterious wonderland that is his beautiful mind... I feel called on to protect the gorgeous innocence that seeps from every single one of his pores... It's so alluring and yet, also so terrifying...

I've never felt this kind of attachment before and part of me hopes he feels the same clinginess I'm struggling with. It just feels so right having him finally where he belongs, wrapped up safe in my arms.

...
Peri
...

Arnold lets us stay cuddled for only a few moments more before darkening the tablet's screen and helping me stand before pulling himself up out of the chair.

"How about you shower first? There should be a bottle labeled pre-rinse on the little corner shelf in the stall." Arnold gives me the softest of smiles before he starts to guide me back past the mud-filled tubs to the graciously sized shower situated in the corner opposite us.

At first, I fidget with worry, afraid to voice the fact that I can't use my cane in the shower and after a day as long as today has been I may not have it in me to balance on the slippery tiles on my own terrifies me... But then as we get closer, I see it. A built-in edge with the same pattern as the backsplash, situated in just the right way to make it obvious that it's a shower seat without ruining the simplistic beauty of the shower itself. It's considerate and it makes me smile knowing that I won't have to admit this shortcoming out loud just yet... There would be no need to mention the store-bought shower chair originally meant for senior citizens currently squished into my own undersized shower, my medical grade one still held hostage at my mother's house with no chance of a rescue at the moment. She thought keeping all of the equipment that had been purchased to make my life easier would force me to come crawling back to her. Lucky for me most of my needed mobility assist devices are so frequently needed by the elderly population that cheap versions of most of them can be bought at pharmacies and superstores.

Just because one problem gets wiped away doesn't mean that all of my current problems vanish.

When we stop in front of the stall Arnold abandons me just long enough to start the water running so it'll heat up before turning back to me expectantly.

...
Arnold
...

My sweet Peri wraps his arms around himself before swallowing thickly, face filled with apprehension as he asks, "Can you not look?"

I do my best not to look surprised and to keep my inner monologue kicking myself in the ass from scrolling across my facial features.

Of course, Peri wouldn't want me to see him naked just yet, much less want me to watch him shower. We had only just started officially interacting with each other today. We had just begun and it's more than obvious that my beautiful boy is bashful in a way that is absolutely beyond reproach. I give a quick nod before averting my eyes and turning away from the stall completely for good measure.

As thirsty as I am to be able to see his sweet body and have an accurate mental image to match the softness I've felt lurking just under his clothes, I'm not willing to scare him off or disrespect his boundaries. If he isn't ready to let me see him naked he isn't ready, and it isn't up for me to decide if and when he is... I hope that he eventually is and that it ends up being one day soon, but there would be no forcing this... No scaring him off or away from me.

Not that I would ever force anyone into doing something that makes them uncomfortable, but there is just something about my sweet Pereskia that makes me want to be on my best behavior.

My sweet boy sighs when I hear him step into the water, the knobs being adjusted only slightly until the temperature is just right for him. I'm patient as I wait for him to rinse off, keeping myself from sneaking a peek at the temptation that is his body and imagining what exactly he looks like underneath those adorable graphic t-shirts he wears so often, and what could possibly be hidden under the bright material of his skinny jeans.

He doesn't take very long, and soon I hear the shower door slide open, and a pause that I can only assume is him stepping onto the no-slip pad placed in front of the stall and toweling off quickly. There are a precious few uneven footfalls accented with the heavy tap of mg baby's cane before another pause before my sweetheart chirps, "Okay, Papi. Your turn."