BTS X Reader Oneshots

Taehyung x !PTSD !Panic Disorder Reader

I'm ok.
I'm ok.
I am ok.
I have to be ok.
  Sweat roll across my body as I jolt awake. Memories flood back into my mind from the past that I've been trying to conceal. Nobody can find out what happened. Especially Taehyung. It would kill him and he would hate me. I can't lose my only friend.
  My only coping method isn't the best, but its been the only thing keeping me halfway sane. Actually, most would consider me more mental than I already am if they knew. I live alone for a reason. The only person that even knows where I live is Taehyung, and he's still never been inside. I guess you could say I'm a bit antisocial, though I'm not a complete hermit. I at least have one person I talk to and I go to the grocery store once in a while, even if I go late and use self checkouts to avoid people. It's funny to think, I should be scared of people in general after what happened, but there's just something about Taehyung. I can't explain it, but there's something different about him.
  We actually met when I had a panic attack in the grocery store parking lot. He wanted to make sure I was ok, so he comforted me, then gave me his number and told me to text him to let him know I got home safe. He's a sweetheart, which is exactly why he can't even find out why I was having that panic attack. I told him I have a panic disorder, which isn't a complete lie. I do have one, I just didn't tell him why I have it.
I sigh and throw my legs over the side of the bed. Chills crawl up my spine as my feet hit the cold floor, causing me to quickly slip my flip flops on. I make my way to the bathroom and turn my shower on. After stripping from my sweaty nightclothes, I step into the shower. It welcomes me with a warm embrace and I sigh, finally at peace. The hot water trickles down my shaky body and I slump against the shower wall.
  I cant ask for help. They'd just laugh at me and leave like everybody else. On top of that, I'm terrified of being touched. Heh, you can thank my supposed family for that. I thought Taehyung would not want have anything to do with me after I freaked out when he tried to hug me. He was only trying to help comfort me during a panic attack, which led me to feel slightly guilty. I later explained to him that I have a fear of physical contact, and surprisingly, he didn't pry.
  After my shower, I slip on a t-shirt and leggings before grabbing my phone and trailing off into the kitchen. I don't bother looking for anything to eat, seeing as I haven't been grocery shopping in a while. I grab my sketchbook off of the counter and make myself comfortable at my table. After flipping through the book, I realize that I have been drawing a lot more lately. Most of them are random figures, some of them describing how I feel during an anxiety attack.
  I jump as my phone dings beside me. The screen reads "New Message From Taehyung".

Taehyung
Hey, Y/n! I brought you some breakfast. I'm outside

  I scroll to my camera app just to make sure it's him. There he is, approaching the door with his shiny white Hyundai Elantra parked beside my gray SUV. I stand up from my chair and slip my black jacket on before turning to the door.
  It's ok, Y/n
  It's just Taehyung
  Calm down, Y/n
  I take a breath before turning the door knob and cracking it open.
  "Hey, Y/n," Taehyung greets me with his boxy smile.
  "Hey," I say in a shaky breath.
  'I brought you a breakfast special from the diner down the road. It has waffles, eggs, bacon, grits, and your favorite drink, (f/d). I thought that maybe if your up for it, we could eat together. We don't have to go in your house or anything, we can sit on your porch or in your car or wherever you like," he rambles as he holds the bag out to me.
  I pause for a moment and contemplate what I should do. I could let my only friend sit out in the cold weather on my porch, or I could let him in and we could talk while warming up. Without me thinking, my limbs move on their own ad open my door all the way, signaling for him to come in. He stares at me in disbelief for a moment, but quickly smiles and steps in.
  "Thank you, Taehyung. You really didn't have to bring me anything," I say, observing him slip his shoes off  my doormat, "You don't have to take your shoes off if you don't want too. It's nothing fancy here."
  "No problem. I'm glad we can eat together. Sorry bout that, its habit for me to take my shoes off," he chuckles.
  I mumble a quiet "oh" and lead him to the kitchen. I hurriedly close my sketchbook and throw it to the side of the table. He sets the bag in the middle of the small round table and begins to untie it. In one swift movement, he slips the bag down, revealing the still hot dishes of delicious breakfast food.
  "Here's yours," he says as he slides a styrofoam take out box over to me.
  "Thank you," I say before opening the box to expose the still hot food.
  "No problem. So, you like to draw?"  He says, looking over at my sketchbook.
  "Yeah. It's bout the only thing that keeps me sane these days," I joke.
"I understand. I do theatre to get my mind off things," he says.
"I didn't know you were into acting," I say, shocked. He didn't seem like the type to me.
"Yeah.. not many people do," he says, suddenly getting shy.
  After a few minutes of eating and talking, I finally begin to feel normal. I haven't felt like this in years. All is going well until..
Knock.
Knock.
Knock.
  Fear takes over and I immediately shoot up and try to make it to my room. I dart through my living room and up my stairs. Just as I reached the top, my foot catches the stair, sending me tumbling down the stairs. The breath is knocked out of me as I land on the cream colored carpet. Taehyung rushes to my side.
  "Y/n? Are you ok?" he questions, worry consuming him.
  "Get the hell away from me," I yell, fearing it was the one who hurt me again and not realizing that it was Taehyung. My foot collides with his lip, causing blood to our out of it.
  Taehyung slumps against the wall and holds his shirt to his busted lip. I curl into a ball on the floor as my yells and sobs echo through the almost empty house. It feels as if the walls are closing in on me and I can't breath.
  "Y/n. It's me. It's Taehyung," he says, trying to get through to me.
  My body moves on its own and I find myself clinging to Taehyung as if it was my last time. I balled my fist up in the back of his shirt and sobbed into his chest. He wraps his arms around me and rubs my back, trying to reassure me that he's not going to hurt me. I hug him tighter as I beg and plead under my breath for him to help me.
  After a few minutes, I finally calm myself down and loosen my grip on the dark haired male I am currently clinging to. Against my will, I collapse on him because my body is so worn out. I always get extremely tired after a panic or anxiety attack. I force myself to pull away from the only safeness I've felt in years and stand, my body still aching.
  "I'm sorry," I say, worried that he will now hate me. I can't lose my only friend. My only sense of safeness..
  "You don't have to apologize. I want to be there for you and help you," he says, also standing up.
  "Taehyung, you don't deserve to have to deal with all my problems. I understand if you want to leave and never look back I wouldn't blame you," I sigh, flopping down on my couch.
  "Y/n. I know what it feels like to not have anybody be there for you. It feels like the whole world is against you and you can't do anything about it. I don't want you to feel that way," he explains, sitting down beside me.
  I pause for a moment, trying to think of an appropriate response to this. He has no idea how much that truly means to me, to have someone who cares. Even if it's just one person, it can change your whole world.
  "I know you're tired. You don't have to say anything. I understand if you want me to leave," he says.
  "Please don't go," I say without even thinking.
  "I'm not going anywhere don't worry," he says.
  After a few moments, my eyes begin to get heavy. The world of sleep takes over and welcomes me with a warm embrace. For the first time in years, I am able to sleep peacefully and not be awoken by the nightmares that haunt me.
  If I hadn't let him in that day, I would have lost the chance to make a great friend. It turns out that the knocking was just my elderly neighbor bringing me some freshly baked cookies. I felt bad about scaring her like that, but she was quick to forgive me after Taehyung helped me explain that I have a panic disorder and certain things trigger it. She became like the mother I never had and we exchanged numbers. She and Taehyung are the only ones I let in my house, and they are my family.
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A/n~ I hope you are all safe during this pandemic. Everybody is currently under quarantine and house bound in my country, so I will hopefully be able to update more often. All of you will be in my prayers and I hope you all remain safe!

Where are you all from?