Bulletproof Soul

Where We Belong (Finale Part 1 of 2)

Again, I wake up in a cold sweat. I've been having the same nightmare, almost every night, for the past two months. This dream feels so real, it's like I'm walking around in the waking world. Usually in the dream, I sit up, get out of bed and take a few steps towards my bedroom door. I plan to check on my children because I hear a faint cry. Yet, the figment that appears before me in the doorway continuously points at Jimin, who's asleep in the bed. That's when I jerk awake.

Before I sit up, I look around the room. Am I still in the dream? It all looks and feels the same. I look over at the clock on my side table: 2 AM. Yup, I'm awake. I look over at Jimin, sound asleep, he never notices when I wake at night. It's nice he doesn't snore, but he doesn't startle easily either. And he never gets up during the night to help with sick or crying children. The least he could do was help out more in the morning when I'm too tired to get up.

We've been married for a year and it's impossible to get him to comply with my requests for support. At times like this, I feel miserable and miss Seokjin. At least he would help out at night, even if he had to get up early for filming. AND, he would help pick up around the house...and help with dishes and laundry. God, I was spoiled. Jimin doesn't help with anything. Instead, I'm picking up his crap the same as I do with the kids'. I sit up and slip out of bed.

The house feels peaceful at this hour. I sit down on the couch and turn on my phone. I flinch when I realize the brightness is all the way up. Looking through my photo gallery, I look at all the selfies I have taken together with Jimin from the moment we met to earlier this week. The last picture I took of us together was five days ago; and a whole month before that. We were falling away from each other. How did we get this way? When did we get this way? Tears start to roll down my face.

I didn't want to go back to bed. He wouldn't even notice that I was gone. I grab a blanket from the hallway closet and get comfortable on the couch. Before I fall asleep....I make the split decision to text Sorah. She moved in with Yoongi when I got married to Jimin. I decide to have her pick up the kids in the morning so I could talk to Jimin without worrying about little ears listening.

~~~ Noon ~~~

I wait at Café Vanillin. It's a 20 minute bus ride from home. I had ordered two Mocha Cloud Vienna coffees and a snowball dessert to share. While I wait for the order, Namjoon walks into the café looking around a bit before spotting me. He was wearing a white slightly fitted dress shirt with the sleeves folded halfway up his forearms and fitted blue jeans with a pair of white Adidas. His brown simple baseball cap worked well with his large framed glasses.

I wave him over. He gestures a quick wave and casually walks over. Sitting down across from me, our coffee and dessert arrive.

"Thank you." Namjoon says to the waitress. She smiles and walks away. "And thank you, for the coffee." He smiles at me before picking up his spoon. We sit in silence for a few minutes taking in the aroma of the shop and enjoying the flavors before us.

"Since when do you wear glasses?" I chuckle under my breath and he snickers back.

"Since I started writing; they help me stay focus. Of course they're not prescription, but I like 'em." He looks down at his coffee. He seemed to hesitate with his next statement.

"So, you left Jimin alone with the kids?" I could hear the little bit of sarcasm in his voice. He didn't look up at me when he asked. I already knew he didn't approve of Jimin for me. But I married him anyway. I guess I thought he would take care of me; or at least work with me on our relationship.

"No. The kids are with Sorah and Yoongi for the day. I needed today to take care of business without having to worry about the kids." I take a bite of the snowball. There was a rich chocolate crust on the bottom. Namjoon gives me a confused look. I could tell he was wondering why I wouldn't trust my own husband with my kids for the day.