how do people just live. i just don't see myself having a good life after high school. i don't see myself living to have the things i want like a marriage and kids. i don't know what to do with my life because i didn't expect to make it this far. and if i'm being honest i don't think i'll make it past 18. i just want it to be over already. it's weird seeing everyone around me grow up and have plans when i have no idea what i want to do. i just want to escape from everything and everyone but i can't do that. this week has just made me realize that i'll probably never live to be someone of importance in anyone's life. not even my own. i'm a side character in my own movie. my life revolves around other people and without those people i'm nothing. i wish i could start over and be better than i am now. i wish i could change things. a lot of things. i have no motivation to live and it sucks but it's the truth. i honestly don't believe my death would have an impact on anyone. i suck as a person. i'm so horrible. and i have such deep self hatred that i don't think i can get rid of. i'm just tired of trying to be happy when i know i won't be.
i don't remember what day i wrote that but today is march 26th, 2020
i've been on quarantine for a week. i'm also 17 now.
i hate my life. i hate myself. i hope the corona virus kills me. i like someone they don't like me. i thought i'd be okay still being their friend but i'm not. i don't want to be around them. but i'd feel bad for just leaving. i deleted social media today and i felt okay but when i got it again i instantly started feeling like shit. i felt horrible.
i have no friends i have no plan in life i don't want to be here. i'm locked in a house with my family and i want to slit my throat.
