We Are Tidal

Chapter Twenty-Three - The Joy of Friends

Chapter Twenty-Three

The Joy of Friends

I hope there is a time where I will look back at my own mind and deem myself over-dramatic. But right now, as I lie in bed with Willow, Ava, and Nicole curled around me, I feel like dying would be an easier option than dwelling on my embarrassment. 

"Are you, like, properly sad?" Ava asks me, her pixie-like face scrunched up in pity. Next to her, Willow pops another grape into her mouth, her face doing the whole I told you so to thing with minimal effort.

It takes everything in my power not to throw the grapes and the bowl at her head.

Nicole sits cross-legged on the floor with Arya dozing between her legs. As always, she is the shyest with her opinions, keeping her cards close to her chest. In the past, this has irritated both Willow and me on different levels. Me, when I needed honesty and Willow when she wanted back-up.

Drawing the duvet around me, I shrug.

"It wasn't all bad, with Damien," I say, remembering the times when we seemed to spend days laughing. Admittedly, even in these memories, I am drunk, and Damien is high. 

Unwelcome, the memory of Damien dragging me away from the group at Starpower charged into my mind. I groan and pulled the duvet up, covering my face. Quietly, Sansa scuffles her way under the blanket and rests her warm body against my arm until I pull her close. Jesus, dogs truly are a blessing we don't deserve, I think fondly.

It wasn't just painful to think about how Damien had dumped me after Gab and I had one first place. It was embarrassing too. He'd done it in front of them all, his voice unnaturally cool. Still, his voice had carried. It had taken all of Willow's considerable sway with the Heavers to stop them from interrupting. Especially when Damien had called me a bitch.

Admittedly, I had given as good as I had gotten.

"It's not as though I'll miss your stoned dick not being able to get it up." I had said, just as coolly.

Even now, Willow still laughed at the memory and had told Ava and Nicole this caveat of mine with no shortage of glee. When the laughing had subsided, the girls had broken out the snacks and gotten into bed with me, having arrived in their own pajamas.

"Can some Skittles lure you out?" Ava tries, slipping a tiny bowl of colourful sweets under the duvet.

"Not if you give them all to her under there," Willow mutters under her breath.

A great shifting took place on the bed and suddenly Willow snatched back the blankets. Both Sansa and I begin to whinge, but one look at Willow's serious face had me quietening down.

"Admit it, you still love Art. Damien was just in the way," She says, and Ava silently cheers, clapping her hands quietly.

"Come on, Will, he was an important person to Dylan during a really shitty time," Nicole offers, matching Willow's stern expression.

 My heart swells with love for my curly-haired friend, who is a defender of more than just her friends. Nicole has compassion for everyone she's ever met, even the assholes in High School and the bullies in the playground.

Willow flushes and I can't help but smile at the sight of her, our leader, at a loss for words. Still, I know it's my time to jump in.

"I get it, I do. I don't regret the break-up with Damien," I admit, and Willow holds her hands out to Nicole, looking self-satisfied. Ava smacks her hands down, rolling her eyes.

"Carry on, Dyl," Ava encourages me, reaching out to hold my hand.

"And I don't deny how I feel about Art. I just don't know where to start with him. It feels..." I struggle to find the words.

My best friends wait, ever-patient. I let out an exasperated sigh, pulling my hand free from Ava's and flopping back against the tower of pillows behind me. I can feel myself beginning to blush.

"It feels like a backslide. Like getting back with or even caring about someone who hurt me that bad is weak."

I shove every inch of my pride aside to say what needs to be said. Willow glances to Ava and Nicole. Nicole is frowning, no doubt trying to find a way to understand my plight. Ava appears simply dumbfounded. Willow scratches her chin, taking me in with her steely gaze.

"So, let me get this straight," She begins, and I get ready for a tidal wave of honesty. "You won't admit that you love who you love.... because of feminism."

A small, mystified giggle escapes Ava's throat and Nicole bites down hard on her lip, begging her laughs to stay in.

"You know that there is a difference between being brave and being stubborn, right?" Nicole asks me. Sometimes, I'm immature enough to allow myself to hate having such brilliant friends.

Mostly, I'm glad because that is exactly what my Mom would say if she was here. And she had loved Art from the get-go.

In answer, I toss a pillow at Nicole, disturbing a resting Arya who growls at me bitterly.

"Hey!" Nicole shouts and Willow takes this as an opportunity to push Ava off the bed completely and to stretch out her legs with an exaggerated sigh of relief.

When our laughing subsides, I wipe my eyes to see Willow looking at me.

"I know where you can begin, with Art. Tomorrow is Maria's anniversary. Kit told me," She added, shrugging as though this is not vitally personal information.

Nodding, I hop out of bed and grab a sweater from the floor, tugging it on over my t-shirt. Willow was right – that information would help. Tomorrow was a group day of mourning, but I had experienced enough grief alone to know that solitude and support were both necessary. I would know exactly where to find him tomorrow. Alone.

"Right, ladies, up and at 'em!" I command, imagining that this is like old times and my other is watching from the doorway, a slightly amused smile on her beautiful face. "It's time for Wild Child, She's the Man and pizza." 

A/N: 

Amid this COVID-19 outbreak, I actually watched Wild Child to help with anxiety and it definitely worked! All praise Emma Roberts. 

Jen xx