We Are Tidal

Chapter Five - Stomach Swirls

Chapter Five

Stomach Swirls

I thump my fist on Gabriel's back from where I am all but slung over his shoulder. Like always, he was the perfect partner - always able to pick me up with ease.

"Put me down, Gab, please!" I yelp, my stomach beginning to swirl with the copious amount of alcohol I'd drank. I could have sworn Willow winced at the sight of my jolting stomach.

With a wolf-like grin, Gabriel finally puts me back on my feet. I grip the counter tightly to hold myself upright, running a hand through my silvery hair in an attempt to steady myself. Kit and Albert had already taken off into the crowd, falling on cheers of joy at their appearance. Because that's who the Heavers were and always had been. Gods of this college. There was no denying that they had left a gaping hole behind them when they left the city.

I wanted to tear at my hair and scream, to remind everyone that they left. Had left me.

"Really, I'm sorry about dance Dyl," Gab continues. I nod, wishing he wouldn't mention it. But even more, I wished he hadn't stepped aside to reveal Arthur, standing slightly shorter than Gab, but with the same dark brown hair. His eyes were bluer. Always had been.

I feel Willow tense beside me.

"What happened at dance?" She asks, turning to me.

The very blood beneath my skin begins to boil in anger. In anger that Damien was currently chugging a can, not even seeing me wish I could dissolve into nothing. In anger that Gab had pushed me. But even more, I was angry at myself. That this was who I was now - someone who has a panic attack after a dance class and flips off her dance partner.

I turn to give Willow a lazy smile, taking her drink from her hand and taking a sip.

"A minor attitude incident, that was entirely not my fault," I remark. Before Gab could answer or I was forced to acknowledge Art, who had watched this entire interaction with eyes tight and watching how I swayed slightly, I gave the three of them a mock bow and went to go to the balcony that was crammed with other people.

The night moved in the usual pattern of Damien's parties. Or would have, had the Heavers not held the attention of everyone in the room. Kit and Albert lounged on the couches, drinking and laughing with the other hockey players and some other girls.

Gab had disappeared, likely upstairs with someone.

Art stood in the kitchen hugging and chatting with person after person. All of whom looked relieved to see him. Girls kissed his cheeks drunkenly, guys clapped his back and mussed his hair. Each drink that was pressed into his hands someone found its way dumped down the sink as his eyes remained alert.

The opposite of my own, which Willow and Ava were now laughing at it. At how sleepy they were. The balcony air had cooled my cheeks, so I had opted to stay put after witnessing Damien eye Arthur closely over his cards. I didn't meet either boys' eyes.

"You need to go home and give me that," Ava said, her blonde hair swishing perfectly as she took my cup and knocked the gin back in one. She winced and choked. "Fuck, Dylan is that neat?"

Willow groaned. As always, she was the more alert of our group. I knew she was likely aware of exactly how long ago Nicole had gone down the corridor, pulling one of the twins' hockey boys with her.

I took a deep drag on my cigarette. I was drunk, that much was undeniable. I couldn't feel the chill of the night air anymore. Couldn't feel my own tongue. But all I had to do was take a break, not drink for an hour maybe.

"Maybe," I laughed loudly. God, it felt so good to just laugh. So I did, again and again as Willow, Ava and I talked about everyone at the party, the boys and the girls.

"Willow?" A voice sounded behind us. I turned, shivers running up and down my arms at the sound of the familiar voice. But I didn't turn right away, my eyes focused on how pale Willow's face had gone. Her eyes were guarded.

My drunken self sobered slightly at the sight.

Glancing behind me, I saw Kit. The older of the twins, his hair near black and eyes green. Green eyes that were trained solely on Willow. Quickly, I shared a glance with Ava and we nodded. I stubbed out my cigarette and gripped Willow's arm, pulling her dark-brown eyes to me. With that look I knew that she wanted to talk with him. Wanted to be alone.

Kit tore his eyes away from Willow for a moment to look at Ava and I. He smiled at Ava and nodded to me, a small frown forming at his brow, as he took in my silver hair, dark clothes, and piercings. It was an effort not to bare my teeth at this, at his audacity to judge.

Ava tugged me inside and had the decency to close the screen door of the patio on Willow and Kit. The truth of what they had been to each other, at least for a short while, clanked through me. Whilst I had been a mess when seeing Art, Willow had stood tall.

We barely made it two steps inside before we saw that the furniture had been moved back, a space for dancing had formed. The small coffee table that was littered in small bags, now empty was pushed against the wall.

Willow was stronger than I ever would be. I distracted myself with sex, with drinking, with numbing. But she was strong.

The truth of this hit me and my chest cleaved in half. I was about to turn to Ava, to tell her that I needed to get home, to ask her if she'd see my phone or knew when I'd last had it, when I felt strong arms snake around my waist.

I twisted my head, peering upwards to see Damien's friend James pressed himself against my back. Hard. Ava was dancing, spinning with the other girls.

"James, fuck off," I spat, tugging at his arms. He laughed and pressed himself against me harder.

Before I could panic, before I could draw another breath, a sharp punch to the side of James' head had him releasing me and collapsing onto the nearby couch.

Damien's firm hand grabbed my waist. His dark eyes were cloudy - drugged, I knew. Just as James was. They would likely not even remember this.

I turned into Damien's hands and hugged him tightly. If I wasn't so drunk, I would have been embarrassed that his hands fell straight to my backside. Everyone was likely too out of it to even notice anyway, I realized as some of the crowd laughed at James, who was now snoozing exactly where he'd fallen on the couch.

"Damien, I need to go to bed," I began.

He murmured his approval at this and ground himself against me, his hands running up and down my arms.

No, not that, I thought, my head spinning. I couldn't - not again. I couldn't use sex as a distraction again today, not when Willow was now speaking with Kit with her back straight and eyes clear.

"No, Damien, I need to go home. I can't do this right now." With more effort than I would like to admit, I extracted myself from Damien's grip. His eyes lingered on my chest, my flushed cheeks and I realized that he hadn't heard a word I had said.

I leaned up and kissed him swiftly before diving into the crowd, knowing I needed to leave now. Alone.