A Risky Kind of Business

21: Bittersweet Endings.

Mickey, 

I know you'll probably think I'm insane, but I don't regret meeting you again this summer.  You are everything I've ever wanted in a girl since I even knew they boys were supposed to like girls.  Honestly, I hate to do this with faded words that don't mean anything unless I'm there to actually tell them to you, but I'm locked up so I really don't think that will be happening anytime soon. 

And no, I don't regret taking the blame either, Mic, because I am utterly in love with you. 

You are beautiful.  You are kind.  You're funny and you're cute and I love how you're always putting everyone first before yourself--you're selfless, Mickey, but it's my turn to save you. 

You need to let me do this, you need to let me save you.  Because you're worth it, Mic, you may not think that about yourself, but you're honestly blind.  You don't see what other people see, you see a unfixable, unworthy girl who shouldn't have the time of day.  I see an angel who really wasn't given the life she deserved, and you deserve everything--you deserve the world. 

I got sentenced to ten years, Mic, and I'm scared.  I'm not asking anything from you, it was my choice not to turn you in; the judge was going to give me two years if I would have given up your names, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the people you love.  Not that I love Cooper, but I know he holds a piece of your heart so technically he counts.  

And remember, I know you, so I know how much guilt you're most likely feeling right now, and this letter wasn't written to make you feel even more torn up than you already are.  It's to tell you that it's all okay, everything will be okay.  If it's not, you have full permission to beat me up. 

I know ten years is a long time, but it's not like we haven't been away from each other for that amount of time before.  

If I see you ten years from now, you'll probably be married with a loving husband and a couple of beautiful children.  I will see you walking down the street and our eyes will meet.  You'll be shocked, probably just stare at me with those amazing eyes of yours, and I'll smile and wave and then we'll be on our separate ways.  Or maybe, you won't even recognize me, and you'll just think of me as just another person passing by and that would be fine too.  

Because I would know who you were, Mic, and that would be enough. 

Always, 

TOC (because you like to call me that) 

Too numb to process anything after reading the letter, I crawl under the covers of my old bed and hold the piece of paper close to my chest--close to my heart.  

I'll sleep on it, and decide what I want to do in the morning.