strawberries & cigarettes // yuumahio oneshots

05 | chaotic stupid: the sequel [humor]

the one in which it's more yuumahio ft. oliver as TAHM because I love it

Yohio loved and trusted his boyfriend, there was no room for questioning that. But he also knew that if he was to die, said boyfriend would end up dying of starvation and no one would find his corpse until it's a fossil. Because Yuuma had been raised by a mature and responsible older sister, there were little stuff he knew how to do himself regarding chores and housework and all of that jazz. Yohio decided he can teach him step by step how to become an independent person, starting with the simple tasks.

He had given him the task of doing the dishes while Yohio was gone for a few hours. Yuuma had assured him he'll do them.

About 3 hours later, the blonde returned home only to find the dishes still piled up, and Yuuma looking guilty. He had gotten distracted playing video games with Oliver that he forgot to finish the task his boyfriend had given him, and the look of 'disappointed but not surprised' on Hio's face said a lot.

"Sorry..?" Yuuma awkwardly tried to apologize, forcing an apologetic smile.

Hio's gaze left the stack of dirty dishes and looked at Yuuma bluntly. "You didn't do the dishes, I'm not doing you" he announced.

"good one!" Oliver exclaimed from where he was sitting continuing the video game and both of their heads whipped in his direction, shock evident in their expressions.

"You understood that?!" Yohio exclaimed, mind already whirring trying to think of where could he possibly be getting such knowledge.

"No, I didn't. That's how I know it was good"

- - - - - - - - - -  - - - - - - - - -

"where did all the pudding cups go?"

It was 10 in the morning and Oliver was rummaging through every corner of the fridge in search of his precious pudding cups.

"I dunno. Maybe your brother ate them" Yuuma answered with no real interest, eyes glued to his phone screen.

"All of them?! There were two packs of twelves!" the young boy's distress grew with every second. His poor pudding cups! His poor two packs of twelve pudding cups! Gone!

"He gets like that sometimes" came another monotone reply from Yuuma, still not bothering to look up but he heard the fridge get closed as the cabinets started getting opened instead.

"Where are all the cookies too?! What the bloody hell is going on here?!"

Now Yuuma turned to look at him. "Hey! Watch your mouth!" he scolded, Hio having rubbed on him way too much.

"I am watching! And it's empty! I need dessert!"

Yuuma groaned and turned back to what he was doing. Now he heard the freezer get opened, probably searching for the ice cream.

"Son of a bitch!"

This time Yuuma completely stood up from where he was sitting and whipped his entire body in the direction of the gremlin. "OLIVER!"

"There's nothing but frozen peas in here! What am I supposed to do with frozen peas?!" he complained again, grabbing a pack of frozen peas and holding it up for emphasis.

"I- well if you really need dessert that badly, then eat an apple!" Yuuma exclaimed, gesturing towards the plate of red, green and yellow apples on the table.

Oliver stared at him with a deadpan expression for a few seconds. "Not funny, Yuuma-kun".

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

An intense sound played through the room, the music coming from the TV well-known among anyone, even those who hadn't watched the movie Jaws.

On the couch in front of the screen sat Oliver and next to him Yuuma, a can of soda in his hand. Oliver had his arms crossed as a look of boredom mixed with disgust had control over his features.

"This movie is stupid" he commented, and judging by the tired expression on Yuuma's face, it definitely wasn't the first time it happened. "This movie, is a classic" Yuuma corrected.

"It's been 40 minutes and we haven't even seen the shark yet" The young boy added.

"That's because they're building suspense, letting you use your imagination" The older boy tried make it seem interesting enough for Oliver.

"You know what I'm imagining?" Oliver asked, turning to look at Yuuma. "a better movie" he turned back to the screen.

A sigh. "It's a classic, Oliver".

He loved Oliver, he really did, but sometimes this kid can be so whiny and picky.

"I'll tell you what's a classic; snakes on a plane!" now Oliver had completely abandoned the shark-less shark movie and turned to face Yuuma, excited to explain to hin why that movie is an absolute classic. Yuuma rolled his eyes and sighed, kids...

"cause first of all you're in a airplane, which is scary enough to begin with, and then it's all filled with snakes! And they're everywhere!" he started listing on his fingers "they're in the overhead compartments, they're in the bathroom, they're in the vomit bags!"

Yuuma didn't want to be here.

"you need to throw up, open a bag, SNAKE!!" Oliver continues his rant.

"sounds gripping." Yuuma replied in a monotone voice, with the most deadpan expression he could muster. He just wants to finish the movie is that too much to ask?

Oliver threw a hand in front of Yuuma's face and yelled out "SNAKE!!" much to Yuuma's annoyance. He moved the kids hand away from his face and tried to direct his attention to the screen so he doesn't do anything he'll regret.

A few peaceful seconds passed and Yuuma thought Oliver gave up and actually started watching the movie, but he shouldn't have let his guard down because Oliver yet again shoved a hand in front of his face and yelled "SNAKE!!" this time however Yuuma wasn't expecting it and got jumpscared.

He grabbed the TV remote and turned it off. "You know what, that's it, we're out of here!" he announced, grabbing his phone and standing up. Oliver stood up after him.

"where are we going?" the kid asked walking in front of Yuuma.

"some place public where killing you would get me in trouble"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Yohio was walking through the living room when he noticed his brother sitting by the table on his knees, hands held together as he seemed to be praying. Which was very confusing for Yohio.

"Ollie? Are you praying?" he asked, taking a few steps towards him.

"Yeah, I have a math test on Monday" Oliver replied, not opening his eyes or moving an inch from his position.

Now Yohio wasn't as confused or spooked, but good to know his brother isn't possessed by anything and can actually pray without bursting into flames. "Oh, you're praying for a good grade!"

"no. That never works. I'm praying for the teacher to get sick" his brother answered casually, still not moving an inch.

Now Hio was back to being confused again. "Have you considered maybe just studying for the test?"

Oliver turned his head to look at Yohio as if he was stupid. "How is that going to help?"

Hio figured this is going to take a while so he sat down on the couch in front of the table. "Okay, listen, even if we were to assume God would be willing to give your teacher a cold then-" he got cut off by Oliver correcting him, "cancer".

A few seconds of processing, then Hio grabbed Oliver's clasped hands and put them down on the table. "okay, that's it, no more praying".

"what are you? The Supreme Court?"