WayHaught One Shots

I Didn't Know What Else To Do

                           Warning: Self Harm
                               By: bacondonvt
Nicole removed Waverly's shirt gently after Waverly gave her permission. She started to lean back into the kiss. But then she saw it. A few straight red lines carved into Waverly's arms, surrounded by faint white lines of the same nature.

"Waves," she whispered kissing her forehead. "Are you... Are you cutting yourself?" She asked, barely audible, the hurt in her voice almost tangible.

Waverly dropped her eyes, refusing to make eye contact with her girlfriend.

"Waves?"

Waverly nodded, still not looking at Nicole.

"Waverly Earp look at me," she lifted Waverly's chin gently with her index finger, "You don't need to be embarrassed. I love you so much and I just want to help you." Nicole was barely holding back tears.

A tear slid down Waverly's cheek. "I didn't know what else to do. Willa was back and she made me feel like a worthless piece of shit again, just like she used to. And then she was gone, for good this time. And then there was the whole possessed by a demon thing. I just couldn't..." her rambling cut off as she started to sob.

Nicole pulled Waverly into a hug, sobbing at this point herself. They sat like this for what felt like forever before Nicole found her voice again.

"Baby... what about the old scars?"

Waverly sat quiet for a second. "Mama left, Daddy and Willa were gone, Wynonna was all I had. And then she left me too. No one wanted to be around me."

Silence.

"I was young Nicole, I didn't know how to deal with any of it."

"Can I take a closer look?"

Waverly extended her arms toward Nicole who held them gently.

Nicole sat looking for a few seconds before she noticed a wider, raised scar that ran perpendicular to the rest.

She inhaled sharply. "Waves, is this? Did you? When?"

"It was after the second time Champ broke up with me. I started dating him after Wynonna left and he became the person that I leaned on. After the second break-up I felt broken and useless and I couldn't find any reason to stay so I tried." Tears were streaming down her face again.

Nicole pulled her closer, wishing she could hold her like this forever and keep her safe from everything, including herself.

"Baby. I'm so glad you didn't succeed. I can't even imagine being in this world without you." Her voice cracked, "I love you more than you could ever know, Waverly Earp."

They sat holding each other in silence for a few moments.

"Does Wynonna know about any of this?"

"No the only person who knows is Gus. She found me after my attempt."

"Waves?"

"Mhmm?" Waverly hummed, half asleep.

"Will you tell me if you feel like that again?"

"Of course I will Nicole."

Waverly kissed Nicole before rolling over to go to sleep. They stayed that way all night, with Nicole protectively curled up around Waverly.