WayHaught One Shots

Insecurities

                     By: monumentalnightmare
Before Waverly began exploring her sexuality, she dated a few guys – the main one being Champ Hardy. He was the one person at school who seemed to ignore the fact that she was an Earp and wouldn't be awkward around her. Champ actually seemed to like her and that made Waverly feel really good. It was what she had always wanted – someone to like her for herself. When they began dating, things still seemed off. He didn't pay that much attention to her unless he was touching some part of her body or kissing her – it didn't exactly make her feel wanted. At first, it was nice that someone wanted to be around her, but then she just got sick of him touching her all the time. She realized it didn't make her feel good and it was more of a chore than enjoyment.

Whenever they had sex, the few times they did since she avoided it as much as she could, Waverly didn't enjoy it at all. Champ cared more about his pleasure than her own so the first time they did have sex, the pain was unbearable. She remembers crying herself to sleep once he was unconscious – luckily, they had been at his place or else Wynonna would most likely have beaten him to a pulp. Ever since that day, and the few times she had sex with him after that, she had been extremely insecure about the sexual side of the relationship. It was as though she couldn't get sexually aroused because of the fear of the pain she had felt in the past – Champ wasn't the only person this had happened with either. A few guys she had dated before him had the same thing happen and it was as though Waverly had gotten to the point where any person she dates just makes her insecure.

Nicole Haught. Damn, she is a completely different category. Before they met, Waverly had never even thought about being with another woman. Yes, she had seen other girls in her year and thought they were hot, but Waverly had just put it down to admiring the way they look. She never thought it was because she could be into women and the thought of that never even crossed her mind – no one she grew up with ended up being homosexual so it never even came up. Nicole changed all of that. She came in confident and was never like anyone she had met in the past. She was beautiful and once they met, Waverly started to realize she may have had feelings like this before. They were just ones she didn't want to admit. When you grow up in a small town where everyone knows everyone it's hard to be yourself – you have to fit in or you are cast aside. After having Wynonna taken away, she needed to fit in and it took her ages before everyone started treating her as Waverly instead of 'the sister of the girl who shot her own father'. When people started to like her for the person she is, Waverly focused on being that person. She didn't have time to figure out a lot of stuff so she did what everyone expected. Date guys, smile and not act weird. Nicole Haught changed all of that when she walked into Shorty's.

Everything about Nicole and their relationship was different to anyone she had ever dated and it wasn't just because of being with a woman for the first time. Nicole actually cared about her and never pushed her into anything she didn't want. The redhead had never once even mentioned the sexual side to their relationship when Champ didn't wait before mentioning it. A lot of the time she wanted to compare Nicole to Champ but there wasn't even any competition. Nicole was everything she had wanted in a person and sometimes she had to pinch herself just to make sure she's awake since it seems as though she walked right out of her dreams. Waverly knows how cheesy that sounds but it's true – how did she get so lucky? They hadn't been dating very long but even just thinking about the prospect of having sex with Nicole scared Waverly. Hell, she had to stop herself from shaking sometimes when she thinks about it. What if Nicole realizes she can't get aroused and leaves? It would be the best thing, right? Who wants a sexless relationship?

Currently, Waverly is standing at the kitchen sink in Nicole's apartment cleaning one of the cups she had been using. Nicole popped into work not long ago so Waverly just decided to stay and clean up a little. It was nice to have time to think without worrying about Nicole asking questions. She had done everything she could to not talk to her girlfriend about her fears – Waverly knew she wasn't ready to be disappointed or hurt. It was all new but she really liked Nicole and wasn't ready to let her go. Not yet.